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Manifesting new things by OMNICELL on Tue Mar 26, 2024 4:43 am
Women;
Dating women…
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Talking to women…
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That is the problem…
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I look back at women I liked when young and I wanted to talk to but I couldn’t. No connection ever really happened. No one really ever valued me enough to even notice me; I was invisible. At some point I just walked away.
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I had no mother; so that whole thing was destroyed and I am a bit strangely emptied because of it… I don’t know. Im bashful around women. I don’t know how to trust anyone…
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I don’t know how to talk to anyone. But talking to women is what I wanted to do when I was much younger.
Now I want to talk to women about the women I couldn’t talk to when young; actually; I want to talk to women now about the things I wanted to talk to women about when I was younger.
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Im still that broken person.. but I feel better; more healed; better…
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I still; I havent really talked to anyone since childhood. And even those people were not my friends; they were faking it… But I was still able to believe they were my friends so I opened up about things.
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Today; I would like women to talk to about things; just as I wanted to talk to them years ago… but no one was interested in me… \
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Now; Im working with God that maybe God can bring the right people that might be interested in me.
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THE MEETING:
I opened up tonight about some things… I talked about being SUGAR WIDOW’D; This is my wording for a man thats meeting the perfect women when hes younger; and can never really find anyone as good as that women who can measure up. Its like being spoiled by to much sugar… And now no one is sweat enough anymore… Got spoiled. However; Hold on; there is hope. Going Down energy river far enough; starts me over in my lifes journey as if I was never spoiled; so I get to do this again; live my life… under God! Energy river is a spirit river under God Jesus Universe Holy spiritus…
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The key is; I talked about many things tonight and got a chance to talk to one guy after the meeting; personally about this women dating stuff; past Sugar Widow’d sitaution. This means Im opening up about the past because its past tense in many respects. Im not living in the past Im connecting to the present and wanting to talk about the dysfunction of the past and how to fix those things that are still dysfunctional now in the present that I never got answers for in the past. And this is good…
This means; In the past I was specifically messed up. However; because I never fixed any of these problems. I specifically messed up in the present just like in the past; same problems; However; today because Im in the present; Im looking for answers for these problems!@
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WORKING WITH GOD;
At this point its about cropping up new relationships in my imagination; Imagining Im working with God. And God is creating new people for me; new relationship out of the energy of God and they appear and talk with them. And with enough time; they start to show up in front of me as real people; If I began to believe in my imagination that what Im creating in my imagination is real.
In my imagination;
Im sitting with God in the backyard of a house that is safe; on the grass in a small town… The Angels are there; Jesus is there; the universe is looking overhead. The Holy Spirit is present…
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I imagine God overhead; Jesus; With hands out; is sending energy into the circle; a circle made by Angels who are sending energy from their hearts n minds into the circle. The Holy spirit is walking into the center of the circle. And is the guiding center. God is overhead watching an sending in God energy; All energy is from Universe God…
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And from this energy sends forth within the circle; forms are appearing. And slowly the concept of Helper and Friend are appearing. The shape of a girl…
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Im a child in this scenario; on a bench sitting up against the back of the house with my NEW parents; God has given me; and Im watching. And I can feel it; ...

[ Continued ]

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The new road... by OMNICELL on Mon Mar 25, 2024 7:26 am
Work and relationships;
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So; Ive started working on music with the idea of accomplishing songs… Im thinking; Im so dissociated I never stuck to doing anything or finishing anything or creating anything I would actually play in front of others; That may be changing if I can handle sticking to this process of work…
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I get it; its allot of data and information. But that information is suppose to be worked to a point of creating something with the data and information; and that information and data is turned into my own form of songs; songs of a standard of performance; solid and marketable. They are not suppose to be perfect or polished gold. They are to show a sense of professionalism at a basic solid level; Radio level; NO! Maybe not.. but a solid attempt to create a good song… Something comparable.
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Im starting to see how I zoned out… its very hard dealing with this data all the time. But Im just barely able to deal with all of this. It requires memorization and allot of work with allot of data… And skills… its a craft!
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RELATIONSHIPS;
I have to keep working with the Universe on this one. Just nice people. No popular people; no past Cheerleaders from the Football fields of popularity ville. No NO NO… \
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I never became anything; so I never experienced anything. I was thrown away… So I never met the kind of people I wanted to be around; Nothing… Im now waking up to this fact; and I run it through God and that is all I run it through; no one else.
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So; im starting to get some sense back.
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As for the music; lots of data going through a dissociated avoidant brain. Ill work on it and see what I can do… The goal is to be a musician.
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For relationships; The goal is to be myself; a nice person and working with God; only attract nice people. I have absolutely no idea what level that is. I don’t know… I don’t know where I fit into.. I have no idea. I don’t know…
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I know where I don’t fit in!
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Getting my identity back will be possible but hard. Im already on that track… Now; it will require allot of work and consistent staying power on this Pathway; this God pathway…
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Expectations and life on lifes terms by OMNICELL on Mon Mar 25, 2024 5:30 am
Expectations
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Well; Things are changing; Im getting more inline with what I want.
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Music;
I cant hear a thing. I listen to a song and I cant hear a thing; I have idea what the chords are.. I finally listen to pop songs with that group of chords and then I look online for a vid of it being played in a basic chordal way on Piano; And when I see the piano version of the chords; I realized after guessing what the chords are; Im completely wrong. Im wrong because I wont spend more the 3 seconds trying to figure out something. I give up and play the vid. And after realizing Im completely wrong about the chords. I do listen to the song on piano and I can create those chords on piano…
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So; Im able to find a way of finding the chords Im looking for; the progressions only by being beat down to a point of giving up on being smart enough to figure anything out. And I realize I know nothing. Ive never done this before…
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What Im doing is what young teenagers do when they start their first punk band playing guitar. Well; That's exactly where Im at. Thats because Ive never done this before; Ive just lied that Ive done this before.
So; Ill be learning about chords like every other young teenager starting in their rock or punk band… Ill be looking at chords from vids on pop songs…
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I guess I thought I was above this; I guess Im not…
OK…
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So; to start out a song set of my own; Ill be basically stealing from everyone. Ill use their chord progression; Ill change the chorus hooks chords a bit yet set it all up just like some popular songs and add my own words. Fair enough Jesus!
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I got to get started in the real world somehow…
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The idea of proving my intelligence continues to go out the window…
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So; when practicing to get started; Ill have to steal chordal structured songs and write my own lyrics and perform them somewhere… Welcome to the beginning of reality…
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No expectations please.
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So; Im getting it; I know nothing about pop song structure or any other structure… I only know what Ive fooled around with for years and years and half a century; which is nothing; avoidance playing. Playing to try to sound like something real without actually practicing any authentic legitimate songs. Now that Im being forced to surrender; I realize I know nothing… And I cant seem to figure anything out. Beginning Teenagers playing in speed metal bands no more then I do even if their song only has three power chords… O Well. Ive lived a lie for a long time Now Im being grounded.
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Ive told everyone Ive been flying 747’s when all Ive really been doing is trolling around the airport in a push cart with wings hooked up to a rubber band propeller.
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Now that Im actually interested in real plains. I No NOTHING! I have to start from the ground up just like everyone else.
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For this example I use planes; Im actually talking about my music. I thought I could fantasy improvise my way into learning what everyone else has to learn by watching and listening and reading and writing. Well. Now that Im moving on from fantasy; Ill be doing the same thing; How humiliating.. But; at-least Ill learn what they've learned. But please; don’t tell anyone Im not that smart. I just cant handle the ego slam… Thanks…
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CHORDS;
So far; its not that I cant figure out what im reading from the charts on the vids Im watching; its just that I didn’t figure it out on my own because Im not disciplined enough to figure things out. I never got into things enough to figure things out… I never cared about being involved in something enough to figure things out. And now Im paying for it; Its not to bad; its just a let down; I wasnt the brianiac I thought I was… Im just like everyone else; Fine. Ill learn just like everyone else.. Fair enough…
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Relationships;
Relationships in the past; To many expectations. What was I thinking. Ive got so much spoiled nature to work through… To come back to ...

[ Continued ]

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learning how to work at things in reality by OMNICELL on Fri Mar 22, 2024 4:44 am
How to move forward…?
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Pray; am I suppose to move forward God…
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What does this mean.
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I saw a picture of a guy from the 1940’s. He was a guitarist. He had 2 fingers; I don’t know the back story; accept he became a famous guitarist.
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My question is; Do I want to be like him. I guess. I mean; it sounds good. Im working with God on this.
Its like I've got this 2 year tunnel of darkness or something I have to go through… I think. Something; to get me back into productive purposeful like again. Ill keep praying.
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I thought about guitar; But it never happens. Its like; I have no faith or feeling of what it must be like on the other side; I just don’t believe it. So. NOT BELIEVING is the first problem Ill work on with God. This means lots of new stories…
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Im not even sure what subject; Painting; Guitaring; Not relation-shipping for this subject; I don’t think… Not that I cant work on that. But I mean; its more Activity type stuff. Drama? Writing stories?
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Whats frustrating is; Im not sure how to start accept in my imagination; start writing about what I would like to see happen.
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I assume this is a direction.
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Microscoping… ?
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What happen’s? I get all feeling it; buy something and then a week later it all comes tumbling down. I get anxious.. I want everything right now… I don’t want to work for it. So I just avoid the whole thing..
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IT would help if I know what subject to pic to work on…
Wooden boat building;
Bicycling
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This is where I sit; I sit with this idea of wanting to develop something but wont do anything. To much negative thinking associated with my failures in it; I never follow through…
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So; I wont get anything if I don’t follow through…
I do want to get somewhere right?
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The unknown kills me. I want to be safe but I also want that exciting life I earned… I want to be that rock guitarist who gets into his music creating; but I don’t want to have to learn how to play guitar…
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Will this ever end?
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I guess Im lying about the guitar stuff; I guess I don’t want to be a guitarist after all; I mean; Im not willing to do anything; but Im never willing to do anything; And their it is.
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I guess I could pray for willingness.
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The problem is; I don’t know what is going on here. I don’t know what Im suppose to be doing.
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I did get a small shift feeling of; Go down the energy river and it will appear for you…
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OKE…
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I guess I have to be willing…
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I absolutely need to know what Im suppose to be doing.
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Im safely on the other side… of the side where life exists and Im participating in my life and future.
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Its like Im in the sexual abusers house stuffed in a corner of the basement talking to myself for the rest of my life. Cant move within myself; stuck…
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So; Im working with God on what to do next…
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I know of artists and musicians who do their art! Why not me be one of them? Why not? ThaTS where Im so torn up.
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Sing writing?
I don’t know…
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What am I willing to sacrifice. I was thinking about a female movie star from years ago when I was a boy; For her to get good at her craft as actor; She had to sacrifice. This was decades ago when acting could be a viable choice for fame… Still. What does it take for someone to hang in their and do what they love to do…
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What do I love to do. Ill pray about it. Going after what I want to do; Working with God… And staying with God… Working with God on building what I want. And start by doing things and not stopping. Just keep at it I guess.
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However; God; where do I start; on what?
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I quite so easily. I don’t understand… I quite; this is part of the problem… I give up to easily on everything.
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GOD WHAT DIRECTION??????????????????
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I quite so easily. I don’t understand… I quite; this is part of the problem… I give up to easily on everything. Something to look at. Ill pray for it.
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Im not ...

[ Continued ]

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Finally feel like Im moving on from the past by OMNICELL on Thu Mar 21, 2024 4:00 am
The next big situation; The next big answer;
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The Past; those from the past; relationships;
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THE ANSWER: I WAS MANIPULATING>
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Its all very sad…
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As I remember; working with God to investigate all these relationships that went wrong.
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unfortunately; One of the final answers is MANIPULATION… I was simply manipulated by people who were just using me. Or; were just playing me; I meant nothing to them.
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Its sickening; Right up at their door; Right when they opened the door for the first time; they were already putting the hook through my throat as the doors opening; at the same time. The point is; I was manipulated right from the start by people I meant nothing to; nothing! Its all so very sad… My God!
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THE GOOD:
However; working with God; Some answers continue to come…
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Im now at a point of working through relationships… Im right at the end of this…
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And sadly; working with God; I was simply manipulated from the start.. From the very start; very smoothly and silently and aggressively. Meaning; Manipulated before the door was even opened. Had no idea what was going on.
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And thats all it was; Manipulation + I meaning nothing to them. Thats all it was…. Nothing more. And this does shock me down from head to toe. Looking back; it was just someone taking advantage me; nothing more.
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This is not a bad thing. Not Now! This is a hard thing but a fantastic thing now! Because it truly sets me free. I really don’t have to go any deeper. We will see; but it is shaking out to being a simple case of absolutely being used by people mindlessly who never cared a dime about me or ever seeing me again. Knowing this; I don’t expect anything from them; I don’t expect some great loss at this point by not associating with them anymore… I cant associate with them anymore or expect to; as I know who they really are now. And I have a much better clearer pic of what actually went on..
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Its still hard… But Im free.
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I don’t think theres much left to cover. There might be.
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Today Im working with a higher power down a God Pathway… What I want I manifest down a God Pathway… and that is all. I don’t go outside my lane. Ill have to learn how to manifest down that pathway…
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So I am getting back on track. I am surviving these horrible horrible situations where Im treated less then garbage and I don’t even know it. I don’t even know what is going on. And I have no idea Im being manipulated and played the whole time 100%; and have no idea what is going on. Only be finally gotten rid of because the other person doesn’t value me at all; Nothing. And I have no clue of what is going on; nothing. Just horrible.
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Now; Im already moving forward as more of this past evil is slowly disappearing.
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Im right at the beginning of starting new again. This means learning how to manifest down God Pathway.. Putting more time into it. Allot more time.
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Putting time into musical song writing. Keep at it; keep building and practicing and writing and writing lyrics. Putting in hours…
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Ill work with God on this.
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Finally feel like Im just starting to move on from this; from the past.

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