Having a cat with serious health problems and having serious anxiety problems does not mix very well.
I am losing my mind and I hate myself right now and I am filled with so much guilt and shame and anger and sadness
I don't even know what to do with myself
I just keep thinking... this is all my fault..
I screwed up somewhere
I didn't pet him the right amount of times... too many times I zoned out while petting him and lost count.
I didn't ask the vets the right questions. I didn't explain things well enough.
I've missed something. I've messed up somewhere.
This is all my fault.
This is all my fault and I'll never forgive myself
and all of these feelings are very not good
and i have surgery in a week
and I'm a complete mess.