I am an almost 21 year old female. 5'7" and *mod edit*. I have struggled with severe self esteem issues for years, basically my whole adolescent and teenage life and since I was around 18, it has gotten progressively worse. It wasn't until the last year at a half or so that I self diagnosed myself with Body Dismorphic Disorder. I haven't seen a therapist because I don't know how to go about talking openly about it with my family. They all label me as vain, narcissistic and stuck on myself because of my obsession with mirrors and any and all other reflective things. I can't walk past a car or a window or even hold a spoon without looking at my reflection in it. I feel that my nose is huge and long like a witch and it has a hump in the bridge. People tell me it's small and cute but of course I dot believe that. I also have very thin lips and large ears that poke out of my head that I hate. Weight is a more minor thing in my head, but is still bothersome.

My family is very loving and supportive in everything I do but I don't think they would ever take me seriously if I came out and told them this since they already have in their head that I "love myself too much". I have the sweetest boyfriend in the world, we have been together for almost 5 years and we never dated anyone else before. We're very happy and in love and know we want to spend forever together but my BDD complicates so much and has the potential to ruin us. I have talked to him about it and he assures me that he will be by my side through it all no matter how tough it gets. I know he loves me unconditionally yet I continue to attack and punish him every time we watch movies or go in public where I feel like there are other girls that are prettier than me. Whether he looks or not (which he says he does not because he only has eyes got me and he thinks I'm perfect), I still fuss at him as if he has done the unthinkable. I don't want to be this person. He doesn't deserve it. I don't know how to deal with this and it's bringing down every aspect of my life.

If anyone has similar stories, please share your advice! Thank you in advance.

You don't need to talk to your family about it if you don't want. Seeing a therapist can be done in total privacy. It's worth confirming with them in advance. But usually they won't give any information out unless they feel you or someone else is at immediate risk of harm. And they should tell you if that's ever the case. If your family need to know for cost / insurance reasons. It would be OK to say you have an anxiety issue that you'd like to work through. It's true. And vague enough for them to imagine whatever they like. Not their business anyway.

I'd encourage you to post again in the forum. body-dysmorphic-disorder/ doesn't need a diagnosis to post! If you relate to those issues, post away. We don't chat much in blogs. Because it's hard to remember which blogs we've posted to. Whereas forum posts. There's always that link "View your posts" to keep track of everything.