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More stuff about dealing with women by OMNICELL on Wed Feb 24, 2021 9:51 am
Another long blog; What Im learning; The stuff I would have learned with my father in safe spaces; I have to learn on my own; And that is the problem and the grievance and the pain, Im working with God to get used to the fact my father is not here and will not be here to help; and that almost kills me…. My hope of that. And the safe places and spaces concerning learning bout women.. Ill have to trust God; but I am moving forward with all of this. its just that Im trying to learn with out any involvement with women because Im not stupid enough to get involved where I would get hurt. Im trying to learn; practice run. Ive taken out plenty of women to coffee; but non that I liked. The women I talk about in this blog are women I was in love with or potential girlfriends I chickened out of being with.
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I do chicken out.
One women I was interested in; I got her phone number but never sat down with her to tell her I was interested in her more then friends; so Im not perfect. I fact; that is way way over my head; I really is. I dont like to admit it but its way way way over my head I mean; Id have to have a couple of years hanging with the guys and growing a bit to get to that point. Ive got non of that; growing with anyone. I dont trust anyone; so I have to work on this stuff the best I can with Gods help; but things are starting to appear; all of the talking in the meetings and the latest writing of blogs and the commenting and posting in FB groups; its all helping; all of it; to bring me to the next level of reality; to bring me back to reality. and its working; but I have to rely on God for the next round.

Women are always brought up in my blogs and always will be; nothing hits home more than the dysfunction created by my trauma when interacting with women.
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Im always playing safe instead to protect and end up living like a reject.
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Im starting to get it; Im scared. I don't want to get hurt.
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When it comes to women
Either I find the right kind of women
I talk to the women I already know
I take a chance with the women I already now by telling them the truth.
I have to get in touch with the truth so Im not afraid of telling them the truth.
I have to ask them out
I cant keep taking their inventory to make sure their safe; they always flunk; I might as well just buy a porn channel because if I expect to be right; I'll never be happy....
Happiness over being right,. But I want to be safe.
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Work with God on how I see women; O My; This is a big can a shark shreds... shredded shark please with your coral diet...
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Looking at my role in it. Im convinced that at some point after looking at my role in things; I'll give a women a chance and I'll open up to her and tell her whats going on and try it for 90 days.
Work with God on visualization. I have to work things out; I cut things off before I get committed to things. I have to work on this fear; I wanted women to mother me so I would not have to go through this. But God stopped all that. I think God stopped it because those women wanting to mother me would also like to mother someone better then me; if someone better than me came along to mother. A more attractive deal. So; I'll move on. And they proved me right every time; I was of interest but not that much interest that they couldn't find the same thing in someone better…. But God sent them? did they go to another man because he was better or because they had felt they lost me and gave up? How do I find out; or do I not find out and move on; or is it my problem for not responding to them immediately.
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Either way; I have to work on all this stuff.
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I have asked out women who I thought were safe; but they had men in their lives already and I noticed at the end of the conversations; they were stuck on themselves and treated me inferior; but I did it because God wanted me to.... He didn't use words; just a feeling that that was the right time for me...
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I have all...

[ Continued ]

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Confessions of a Gambler by Triskaidekaphobia on Wed Mar 15, 2017 9:01 am
I have always been afraid of the number 13.

This has changed drastically since the last couple of weeks.

Now I am afraid of myself and of the consequences that it will bring.

I feel swallowed by darkness and pain.

The feeling of hopelessness and nothing will ever be good again. It has been over a week since I have talked to anyone. My cellphone is turned off, and all my social media has been logged off. I sometimes notice a message, or two every day from friends who is worrying about me. Sometimes I hear my door bell ring, but I just sit in the corner hoping they would just leave me alone. I don’t know whether I am becoming insane, or if I am discovering the true me? I think I have been fake since I was born. All that pressure from society norms, and you must have a university degree to be happy. You need to have expensive clothes, and you need to spend a lot of money every time you go out. I did all that. I got two university degrees, and spent tons of money on stuff I don’t need to build up my fake image. It’s funny how you can rent an Audi for 1000 euros, and the next couple of days you can’t even afford a meal. The intense game of ping pong, where money goes in and money goes out has driven me crazy. This has been my journey the last couple of years. It has been 10 years, and I'm only 26. That is probably the longest ping pong battle ever. Right now, it is bad. I can’t remember the last time I have eaten. I just go on YouTube, and google for “The most delicious hamburger recipe” and I just see it in hope I would get the hunger way. Well.. it does not work, quite the contrary. It is so stupid that I am sitting in this corner ignoring everyone, and starving while wearing expensive clothes in a decent apartment. I just wish I could roll back in time, and tell myself to never start gambling.

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The road toward a digital quantum analoptic computer by highdimensionman on Thu Aug 21, 2014 12:37 am
Analogue equivilence .
Because we live in a proportionate dip in the universe we can test how equivalent our digital chips are to the full analogue system/computation that the digital uses of the analouge . The more we can maintain Turing completeness and at the same time get closer to the analogue equivalence the deeper our understanding of physics has to be to archive it.

Qbits
quantum computing is like searching a 10000 variables at once so far the level of disruption in the quantum aspect has proven to be an obstical to poerfoirmance. qbits which the quantum computer works with are spin chirality reprensatation so spinning left is 0 and spinning right is 1 and the qbit is seen as in a state of 1and0 but.
The problem is really the system is not in a state of 1 and 0 its spin state is merely undeterminable with current research techniques.

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:T by ethereal_cat on Sun Jun 09, 2013 12:41 am
A lot of people I've met in the past couple of years thought I was either Gemini, blood type AB, or both. Especially last summer. Mostly because they thought I was type AB from the way I behaved or reacted. But I'm not. Neither of those. So that's been on my mind on and off since then.
It bothers me that I'm so misunderstood.

I'm just being myself, you know?

Anyway, do you take in things differently since you accepted the diagnosis of Bipolar {or what you were diagnosed with if it's not Bipolar}?

I've listened to/watched/played games & realized that maybe by such & such, they mean Bipolar... For example: Placebo - "Pure Morning", Kill Hannah - A New Medicine (ECT) & Persona 4 Golden - the shadow of Self (Jungian psychology). It might be one such interpretation, but I feel like maybe media, like digital new media, is starting to address illnesses that affect {infect?} a lot of people all over the world. Another thought: Persona 3 - Apathy Syndrome (major depression)

What do you think? Is there anything you've noticed about art/new media/literature that strikes you differently than it did before? Do you feel misunderstood by others in the a similar way?

I wonder if it's my fault that people tend to take me for {a Gemini and/or blood type AB}. I'm not a firm believer in the zodiac or blood types, anyway. (Too many people in Asia are big on blood types - it's just as much, if not more "important" or "reliable" as the Asian Animal Zodiac is there.) There is a bit of truth in myths & zodiacs, I think. But I don't think any of those can fully express what a person is like, or what is in store for him/her.

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adultery? Or not? by lawrence1960 on Sun Aug 23, 2020 2:49 am
I started having sex about 8 or 9 yrs old. At 17 joined the Navy and met a sexy lady at a club who asked me to come home and party with her. I asked about the guy she had been setting with and she answers,"Oh thats my husband, he just likes to watch." i met people thru them that taught me a lot about sex, and people. They called them swingers back then. I was right at home. I have had open relationships and monogamous . Known prostitutes and dancers growing up. Sex was always very important to me. Now I wanted to settle down and marry a good woman and have children. Met and married a beutifull lady, had 2 daughters grown now. I am 60 now but am healthy and still not bad looking I,m told. But I have been faithfull to her over 30 yr.s...now i want advice, what do you think. Over 3 yr.s ago she went thru her change, menopause. Then told me she no longer wanted to have sex, at all. Said her body had changed and she did,nt want to do that anymore. I have had so many opportunitys to have an affair, but said no. I don,t want to hurt her, and that always comes out. Thought about a prostitude, did that a lot when I was younger. Confidence, butdoes,nt feel right.Over 3 yr.s with only mary palmer to find comfort in. I pushed myself onto her once. It made me feel terrible. What to do?

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