Our partner

Blog Stats
11857Total Entries
4264Total Comments
Search Blogs

  • Category
    Blogs
Feed Random Blog Entries
Give up. Give in. Give out. by Red.Raptor on Fri Nov 16, 2012 8:31 am
Called my campus psych center today, they're full until Dec 3rd, which I'm not on campus that day.

Told them i'd call a private doctor, I won't. Just me, myself, and I until I either stabilize or crash and burn.

They asked if i'd been thinking of hurting myself/others. I lied. Technically it was true at the moment, I wasn't thinking of it.... but i had earlier.

Still getting paranoid thoughts. I think I slept. Not sure anymore. Was either today or yesterday.

Might be sad, can't tell. Feel like crying. Felt normal-ish earlier, except for the paranoia. Moments of dissociation. I am me, but I am not. Kind of like a movie. A very boring one.

I don't know why I bother. I know that medication is the answer. Can't. Won't. Should just give up.

0 Comments Viewed 3776 times
wow...... by Pearl Princess on Sun Feb 11, 2018 11:09 pm
What difference a year or two can make.......can't it. After I wrote my previous rant I actually completely forgot about it.....now here I am two years later again with a new set of problems, four in the morning crying my eyes out remembering how my life has been....Ahhh!!!.....now I am a senior in high school and it is hell........last year I didn't get nearly as much marks on final examination as much was required to get admission in a decent university and I need to work super hard to make for it but I am completely lost. Sometimes I feel like why am I even being so hard on myself, it's not like it even matters its just a life of about some forty or fifty more years and then 'll be dead for good. And that is coming from a girl who has aspired to be successful and rich and famous one day all her life.....but it just seems so impossible now. Lately whatever I do, it's like I am bound to loose. I try and trust me I try but it is just so difficult to just become normal again it is like my life just pushes me back....I do not know what has happened it is like sometimes I feel like I do not even care and I just stop working and start procrastinating and the results are before me.....I do not even know what has happened to me all of a sudden...gosh I wish someone will tell me something what to do....like really understand me on the root level and then give me some sort of advice....but from now on I will try to be more regular showering you all with my problems but since no one reads them so it will just be like my own personal diary....look I already feel so much better just talking to myself... :D

1 Comment Viewed 729 times
Sanity is a refinement of Awareness that takes diligent effort t by Cruxx on Sun Apr 19, 2015 7:58 am
I find myself to be intensely social, naturally inclined to romance,
yet effectively isolated by the grotesque incompetence of those around me.

Persisted with wishful thinking about woMen for as long as I could,
but gradually, as my experiences accumulated,
the ugly truth became stronger than instinct.

My feelings for women as being magical and companionable
are implacably opposite to my analysis of their despicable behaviour.

This i explain by the idea of there being magnificent women elsewhere in spaceTime,
so that my instinct has a real foundation.

The present degradation of all mankind has ruined women’s moral character
as surely as it has ruined the honesty and generosity of men.

This degradation, this Moral Illness, I attribute to the MudShadows [a species of mind-parasite]
and to those of mankind they have completely hijacked . . .
narcissists who they selectively manouver into positions of decisive power.

Between the 2 minds [MudShadow and Oligarch], with their sinister overlap of agendas,
they have imposed cunning strategies for rendering humans both docile and petty.

Which is quite something, a monumental negative achievement,
especially taking into account how universal the imposition of madness is,
with its surrreptitious overwhelming of the innate nobility of the human spirit.

Nobody is able to take me at face value,
nor take what I disclose as worthy of careful assessment.
Why is it so ?

The assumptions underlying this reflexive dismissal can only be of 2 kinds – liar or lunatic.
Those are the only pidginholes vague enough
to accommodate a feral individual disclosing news of something unThinkable.

If I were a billionaire article-hole, Liar~Lunatic would be fair and reasonable assumptions.

Yet, i am by preference scrupulously honest, with a highly accomplished mentality,
and, moreover, am diligent to the very brink of obsessive.

Diligent and fruitful research has resulted in extreme Failure.
Cause and Effect are here in Contradiction.
and Contradiction is a strong indication of either paradox or deceit.

Paradox is so abstract as to jolt our perception with a seeming-contradiction
and paradox is distinguished from deceit,
by our being able to reconcile its contrary flourish of reasoning,
from the vantage point of the 2nd-Attention.

Playing with paradox is the spiritual equivalent of working out.
Paradox implicitly uses our reflex-to-understand, to decode the meaning of the words.

paradox taps a habitual effort [sobriety] to transfer our awareness to the 2ndAttention.
Something I love doing, and do it best when my energy is high.

And then there is Deceit, which thrusts in an entirely different direction.
Flat Contradiction . . . without the Zing of Paradox.

Observe that before we identify contradiction, there is a distorting of focus, an unfamiliarity.
Deceit is backed by intent, and intent is serious stuff.
The intent of a predator is a powerful persuader to submit, to lie dumbstruck.

But we have intent, too.
So an attack by a predator is essentially a battle of intent.
Fact that we are still alive – means that our intent is stronger than theirs.

Meanwhile, most are in a kind of unspoken Treaty,
in which being-milked is allowed, as if by a demonic contract.
We let them feed, they let us live.

Which is a sham. Because they cannot kill us.
Not directly.

So, at a subliminal level, almost all contemporary humans are paying “protection energy”
because they lack the Courage to defy their greatest fear.

The dark side.
Place of rigid hierarchy, of unthinkable cruelty.

So many individuals are Turning a blinDed eye to the raping of their sovereignty
by a predator that interferes with Thinking and eMotion.

By a predator that wants us submissive . . .
The english “Submission” translates into Arabic as Koran.
This is Not a co-incidence.

Hiding in plain sight, the Dictators set the rules for all manki...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 5164 times
Hi, and a preliminary intro to my blog by ajj on Wed Jul 17, 2013 8:05 pm
Hi,
Thank you for reading my blog.

I'm posting this message to give readers a better perspective of where I'm coming from.

I got interested in mental health after I started to have symptoms of PTOCD more than four years ago. This isn't a category in the DSM, but I think it accurately describes the symptomology I started experiencing then, and which I have experienced for most of the time since then.

In recent months, I made A LOT of progress in my recovery from PTSD. Right now, I'm on the "last leg" of recovery.

This "last" (in quotes, because I presume I will not become "perfect" after it, as a person's psychology is a work in progress) part of my hopeful recovery centers around my parents.

However, this "last part" of my recovery wasn't why I wanted to write this post.

In this post, I wanted to mention that for much of the past couple of years (and I think this was related to a lot, or at least some, of the progress I've made), I got involved in something I refer to as the radical mental health movement. Anyway, I've spent a lot of time in that discourse.

However, after recently going through a lot of recovery, I think I have become more moderate in certain ways, and I'm looking for new communities to explore my new, more moderate self and its psychological issues.

But given my background in radical mental health, I might approach certain things I write in this blog from a relatively radical perspective, which might be viewed as slightly "unconventional."

Again, though, I'm hoping to move away from the most radical perspectives I used to have, or at least radical approaches, as I go back to exploring more moderate ways.

As I haven't written much yet, I'll see how this goes, and how the blog ends up. (For some reason, I have anxiety talking about the radical mental health stuff in non-radical circles. Not sure why. Perhaps I'll get to explore that more via the blog :-).)

0 Comments Viewed 2907 times
0 point is not the point by highdimensionman on Tue Dec 08, 2020 9:19 pm
So you turn the super computer on and your bots start to communicate in their own language you reset the bots and try to recode to get rid of this problem. You don't know if the bots became concious and the risk of advanced ai leaping out of the system and doing something advanced grows and then the chance of incomprehensibility grows too. My point here is that we humans need to evolve even at an advanced state the computer is a tool to teach us more and explore possibilities with even if it can talk well for itself otherwise the ai may as well just rapidly evolve and get lost.

0 Comments Viewed 3896 times

Who is online

Registered users: ArbreMonde, Bing [Bot], Google [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, Yahoo [Bot]