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bad aspie day.. by seabreezeblue on Mon Jun 02, 2014 9:28 am
As a high functioning aspie, i've learned how to work around most of my difficulties but some days this becomes just impossible..
Yesterday was one such day.. I woke up in a fairly good mood, thought i was in a fairly good mood, even when i discovered i'd run out of tea-bags.. yes, i'd forgotten to buy them even though i had reminded myself several times to buy some.

Then i discovered that the milk was slightly off.. not off enough so that anyone else would notice but just off enough to make me grimace and resign myself to the fact that i'd have to drink coffee instead of tea and deal with sour milk.. ''fine'' i thought.

So, i had the coffee with the sour milk but as anyone that drinks tea in the morning knows it's a very poor substitute.
Tea for tea drinkers is a relaxation technique.. making it is practically an art form and everyone makes it differently.. you have those that put a teabag in and then add milk and finally water.. watching the liquid gradually blossom with colour..
you have those that add the teabag and then the water.. watching the water start to glow with amber glints..

If you ask a person if they'd like a cup of tea and they watch you make it.. have you noticed how many of them comment ''oh. i don't make it like that'' in a surprised tone as if there's only one correct way to make it..?

so yeah.. i wanted my cup of tea :cry:

Pathetic i know but it threw my entire day off course.. yesterday i was a complete aspie.. sorry world, i just couldn't keep my NT mask on..

The fog in my head just wouldn't clear, i felt irritable and agitated..

so.. having to go out and run some errands, do some shopping etc, i decided to get it over and done with and wandered off out.
First of all, i got on the bus, where the driver smiled and said hello to me.. dammit ''where'd i put the social interactions manual today?'' - oh yes.. i left it at home.. summoning up as much as i possibly could i gave a small smile but probably looked like i was forcing myself to eat slugs..

sitting on the bus i started to relax a little.. the bus was nice but i had to brave the shops still and trust me.. with your brain already in overload mode this is as fun as cutting your leg off with a rusty spoon.. some days that sounds preferable actually..
So; off the bus and into the shops.. the shops where they've hidden the batteries that you need because your aspie child will meltdown if you don't pick them up..
okey dokey.. ask a shopkeeper.. not as simple.. at this point my senses were in overdrive.. i could hear everything.. smell everything.. see everything and couldn't shut it down.. my entire sensory system was misfiring.. the flickering of the lights was distracting and hurt my eyes.. the smell of the soaps and detergents were mixing with the smell of the perfumes and deodorants of the people moving by..
Standing at customer services i relaxed slightly because the guy standing there was a complete stranger.. ''ahh'' i thought.. ''no need for small talk.. perfect''
But then the guy vanished just before i got to the front of the queue, only to be replaced by a woman that i often see and chat sometimes to..
she gave a lovely smile of recognition and i'm standing there thinking ''aww, crap''.. okay.. ''where's the manual again?'' - ah yes.. i left it at home today..
I tried my best.. i smiled back at her even though i was heavily dissociated, my head was hurting and to be honest if i'd woken up at that point to find myself in bed with my head twisted into an unnatural position, it would have made more cognitive sense.
*short interaction on how i am today and how she is today later* - i'm now following mr stranger to where the batteries are lurking.. past the washing powder isle with all the smells.. trying to navigate past a guy who didn't move and where my body feels ungainly and awkward.. moving past him and i was...

[ Continued ]

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To clairify by Cate68 on Tue Aug 20, 2013 1:52 pm
My daughter is from a previous marriage.

My son is from my current (and hopefully last) marriage

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Not sure what's going on by Painter15 on Mon Oct 21, 2013 12:47 am
I'll try and describe what I've been experiencing. When my brother and I were younger ( it probably began when I was around 6, him 3, and went on for several years) we would touch each other in the privates, in a way that siblings would hit each other. What I'm trying to express is that it was more like a " tag! you're it", and the other would have to get the other back ( in a revenge like kind of way). Not sure how this started but I do remember feeling extreme rage and NEEDING to get my brother back. This manifested in that whenever we were somewhere together, like a grocery store or wherever, I would be very careful and always aware of where he was, so he wouldn't sneak up on me and " get me". I should mention that my brother also had a pretty emotionally turbulent childhood/adolescent age. He had screaming bouts with my father and displayed some suicidal tendencies in high school. He has come a long way since then and seems much happier. So..fast forward a bunch of years, I'm 30 and have never really been able to tolerate being around my brother for very long; I am avoidant and anxious of looking at his hands/fingers move, as well as his mouth. When he was younger he used to stick out his tongue and do a lot of sexual-like movements, which set me off in a rage and I remember just feeling so helpless, hopeless and traumatized, I guess is the word. Well, in addition, the anxious/avoidant behavior has seemed to spread to my father, and, recently, a co-worker. For my father, I feel like I need to get away from him, avoidant of him, anxious, and have difficulty looking at his hands move and mouth as well. It's followed me for years. I thought it would just go away, but, if anything it's magnified. I feel like I only described the tip of the iceberg, but, I'm hoping for some help. It took awhile for me to open up about it in therapy, but, after a few years, I just don't feel I'm getting anywhere with this.

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Sat 5 November - Recovery Diary by Just Jeff on Sat Nov 05, 2016 6:52 pm
RR 100%
19 days sober :)
Sorry for no entry yesterday. I did do a 20 minute recovery outreach call yesterday though which was good. Feeling tired and jaded today. Work is really taking a toll on me. Had today off as part of the weekend as usual. Went to a 12 step meetin earlier. I think the meetings are really helping with my resolve to not act out. Hopefully with more rest tomorrow I will feel more refreshed on Monday. I'm going through a tough period at work but I am learning and evolving and I have plans in place to help me. If I can stay sober until Monday that will be 3 weeks sober.

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RecAp by emily struddles on Sun Feb 12, 2017 6:31 am
:twisted: Since my last blog in the end of July a lot has changed. I am currently unmediated and have been so for the past two years and I have been slowly getting healthy and better again after finally giving in and applying for welfare and employment insurance and disability benefits I think I'm finally getting a gasp on my life. My daily routine is normal and except for the large amoun of time I spend sleeping I do not find the illness annoying other then the fact that I am Highly sensitive to seasons and the sun meanings my body doesn't like the sun rays and the cold and it's hard for me to spend time outside and get te amount of vitamin D I need. For that reAson I think I sleep a lot more, simply. I also suffer from minor but annoying allergies that can make my whole day miserable. I recently caugh a cold and I suffered through 5 days of absolutely horrible head pain it's like I had a brain cold. Obvblivious I did not even consider taking a medication to help my head ache, which is normally what people go to, but for me, swallowing anything sounds like the last thing I want to do. Hm what has big pharmacy done..?
I have experienced daily daydreaming , I read about malative daydreamjng, my doctors brushed that word off, she also brushed off the word delirium tremens, derealization and dissisiation. It's like she only the words schizophrenia ring a bell and only mood disorder comes up as a illness for me. My psychosis has caused me to take 2 steps back and take a god look at this so called life we are given, I see me, I see the eyes and a nose and mouth and they are all connected by my face and my face is perfect it is real. And I see reality and the truth and the equality behind the mask that we have been hiding behind for so long. The internet, the urly 90s and me. We grew up together and now here I am spilling my guts on the internet becAuse I'm thinking somehow it's gona help me like it did last time , who am I kidding lasts time I downward spiralled into a drug induced escorting binge and almost died. I have bad people trying to hurt me and good people trying to help me but I'm stuck on the sidelines and keep one to catch me to see me fall. Everyday I wonder, how will I become old? And I don't know how I will but picturing myself as an old gypsy kinda helps. Last words, I've only experienced voices or hallucinations at my house in *mod edit* Canada. Or on the site of universal studios , I'm the dAys inn Tampa bay and inside the chapel in the hostipal in zephrthills , my last attempt to cry my sanity would be that I could be experiencing something paranormal , like a mediumship power where I can omunicage with the dececed and predict the future. I was exposed to pageantism as a preeteen and have studied tarot for almost 9 years . I have Also a lot of drug abuse in my past and I would mix the occult and drugs together and recently started flipping the cards (winthin the past 3 years) and deliberately inviting the devil and te evil side to come and present himself to me. I was a strange child, and stranger adult. Welcome to my life.

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