As a high functioning aspie, i've learned how to work around most of my difficulties but some days this becomes just impossible..
Yesterday was one such day.. I woke up in a fairly good mood, thought i was in a fairly good mood, even when i discovered i'd run out of tea-bags.. yes, i'd forgotten to buy them even though i had reminded myself several times to buy some.
Then i discovered that the milk was slightly off.. not off enough so that anyone else would notice but just off enough to make me grimace and resign myself to the fact that i'd have to drink coffee instead of tea and deal with sour milk.. ''fine'' i thought.
So, i had the coffee with the sour milk but as anyone that drinks tea in the morning knows it's a very poor substitute.
Tea for tea drinkers is a relaxation technique.. making it is practically an art form and everyone makes it differently.. you have those that put a teabag in and then add milk and finally water.. watching the liquid gradually blossom with colour..
you have those that add the teabag and then the water.. watching the water start to glow with amber glints..
If you ask a person if they'd like a cup of tea and they watch you make it.. have you noticed how many of them comment ''oh. i don't make it like that'' in a surprised tone as if there's only one correct way to make it..?
so yeah.. i wanted my cup of tea
Pathetic i know but it threw my entire day off course.. yesterday i was a complete aspie.. sorry world, i just couldn't keep my NT mask on..
The fog in my head just wouldn't clear, i felt irritable and agitated..
so.. having to go out and run some errands, do some shopping etc, i decided to get it over and done with and wandered off out.
First of all, i got on the bus, where the driver smiled and said hello to me.. dammit ''where'd i put the social interactions manual today?'' - oh yes.. i left it at home.. summoning up as much as i possibly could i gave a small smile but probably looked like i was forcing myself to eat slugs..
sitting on the bus i started to relax a little.. the bus was nice but i had to brave the shops still and trust me.. with your brain already in overload mode this is as fun as cutting your leg off with a rusty spoon.. some days that sounds preferable actually..
So; off the bus and into the shops.. the shops where they've hidden the batteries that you need because your aspie child will meltdown if you don't pick them up..
okey dokey.. ask a shopkeeper.. not as simple.. at this point my senses were in overdrive.. i could hear everything.. smell everything.. see everything and couldn't shut it down.. my entire sensory system was misfiring.. the flickering of the lights was distracting and hurt my eyes.. the smell of the soaps and detergents were mixing with the smell of the perfumes and deodorants of the people moving by..
Standing at customer services i relaxed slightly because the guy standing there was a complete stranger.. ''ahh'' i thought.. ''no need for small talk.. perfect''
But then the guy vanished just before i got to the front of the queue, only to be replaced by a woman that i often see and chat sometimes to..
she gave a lovely smile of recognition and i'm standing there thinking ''aww, crap''.. okay.. ''where's the manual again?'' - ah yes.. i left it at home today..
I tried my best.. i smiled back at her even though i was heavily dissociated, my head was hurting and to be honest if i'd woken up at that point to find myself in bed with my head twisted into an unnatural position, it would have made more cognitive sense.
*short interaction on how i am today and how she is today later* - i'm now following mr stranger to where the batteries are lurking.. past the washing powder isle with all the smells.. trying to navigate past a guy who didn't move and where my body feels ungainly and awkward.. moving past him and i was... [ Continued ]