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meh by Restored on Wed Dec 28, 2011 4:47 pm
I feel like it has all come crashing down around me again. Right now i don't want to be here i don't want to keep fighting and now i think i've upset one of the people who actually gives a damn about me and what is going on in my life. I think she must hate me i know i do. Apart from her i have no one that i can talk to about anything she is the only one who listens to me and doesnt tell me that i am wrong she understands and gets it and is only ever supportive.

I have no right to feel the way i do i have had a good life and other people have had far far worse things happen to them. I need to stop feeling sorry for myself and get on with it i guess. I feel so alone and isolated and desperate. I want it all to go away and for my life to be 'normal'. The only thing keeping me here is that my aunt commited suicide at new years many years ago and i need to wait until new years is over and then i can think about it again

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. by lodi dodi on Wed Aug 31, 2011 3:34 am

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specified by Remis Fargo on Mon Nov 21, 2011 3:51 am
I know, I know, we have to grow up. But to what avail? It is like a cone of glass. Someone is stealing my clothes. Dysphoria.

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The effect on me of alcohol by oreberry on Tue Sep 09, 2014 5:30 pm
I was going to start noting here how many days without beer or wine because I know it interferes with my medication and it makes my side effects worse. Well, I started a painting last night so I poured a glass of wine. And then another and I am back on the sofa watching Boardwalk Empire with a wine glass in my hand and him fighting me about getting any more. A big humiliation, so it's back to counting. I woke up in the middle of the night all anxious and after laying there for awhile, I remembered the lorazepam to be taken for moments of anxiety with the blessings (prescription) of my psychiatrist. I made my way into the kitchen, not turning on the lights because I did not want to alarm my parrot. I could not find the bottle where I thought I remembered putting it. So I grabbed my cat, lay down on the sofa, and felt like I took an anti anxiety drug. Go kitty!

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Free-RangeTurkey by halcatalyst41 on Sat Oct 31, 2015 11:43 pm
Turkey, in a way, it's not only the most surprising but the best trip I've been on, and it's really too bad that they're having such troubles now. It's all part of the Mid-East situation that more and more countries are getting involved in.

Really terrible, complicated, oh my god. So Turkey's now joined, Russia has now joined, who else is new? Syria, no, Syria's been involved the whole time. Centers around Syria right now, although that's not the only center, it's just the major center. The new players are Turkey and Russia and Saudi Arabia in this year, I think, and, let's see, any other troops or airplanes involved?

Not that I can think of, but, anyway, about Turkey, it's too bad. A terrible massacre, 97 people killed yesterday.

But my vacation there was wonderful, and I was just thinking about Antalya because I'm sitting here by the bank on one of their benches.

And I remember sitting on benches in Antalya when we walked around that Sunday morning. Really nice, nice day. Antalya is a nice city. The hotel was very unusual but very nice, except for the room. I didn't like the room, too big. Didn't like the tile in the room; they ran away with their imagination on the rooms.

The buffet was good, and that whole area there was good, and the garden in the back with the steep precipice down to the ocean, down to the Mediterranean Sea, the Cote d'Azur, no, the Turquoise Coast. There you go, so that was really nice. I enjoyed that city, and next thing that comes to mind is the city where Rumi lived, or at least where he's buried, and his Mosque there in that museum.

Looked forward to that because I knew a little bit about Rumi. Anyway, Cappadocia, and, of course, the underground cities, and that was very interesting. Not exactly the way I had imagined it, but to think that people lived there, maybe 20,000 people lived in underground cities.

And then, the other things I liked were the porcelain guy, the potter, and the restaurant inside one of the little things. [LAUGH] I don't even remember what they are. The volcano-like things.

Well, you can't expect me to remember everything. Moving on to Hittite land, and that really fired me up, and then Ankara. And then, it was in Cappadocia that I had that brief chat with the woman who was a kind of a New Ager and we compared notes spiritually. She fired me up into mania, so I came home manic.

And that was the trip where we got home, and the flight had been cancelled. You couldn't get on another flight, and the last flight home from Chicago was nine o'clock in the evening, and it was full, so I wanted to go to a hotel because I was totally exhausted and Sharon wouldn't. She said, well, let's see if we can get on here, so we left our names as a stand by, and from the display, the stand by was filled, but the agent said, we might be able to get you on. We sat there and waited, and we did get on, and short flight back.

I talked to a guy, very interesting guy across the aisle, because I was manic and I talk to strangers, right? Well, this guy turned out to be a young guy that works for probably some big financial company. I'm guessing financial company becausehe was talking about acquiring companies, and so it would have been a private equity company like Mitt Romney.

He'd been to China and a lot of other places, and he was young, and he was from somewhere around here. Okay, that was the end of the trip.

Beginning of the trip, trip to Turkey. Let's see. We flew into, oh, yeah. There were adventures there, too.

So flying toward Munich, I got sick, and I had just had the small bowel obstruction thing and so I got sick. I vomited and had diarrhea and a pain in my stomach, I think. So I thought I needed to get off the plane and see a German doctor. Had to go to a German hospital rather than Turkey because I had no idea how advanced Turkey was. Found out later that they are quite advanced. They're really European, at least in the western part of the country, but anyway, so I got off the plane,...

[ Continued ]

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