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Hocd help by ocdruins on Wed Apr 25, 2012 1:38 am
I came from school one day in october ,sat on my computer looking at some new videos that the website had recently posted. I started watching this video that had a guy in it that looked a bit like some girl in my school and in the video he started laughing , I thought to myself he has a nice smile
Then bam suddenly the ocd struck . I asked my self many times that day (I'm I gay because I thought he had a nice smile).things started to get worse . I remember from that day that I also watched a movie and I thought a guy in the movie looked good and I got really anxious. That day I Went to my bed trying to go sleep but I kept thinking that I was gay, I was getting really hot and not feeling well.so I got off my bed went and took a shower came back and it stoped for a bit
. The next day I woke up and those gay gay feelings suddenly just hit me again for the whole day I was worried if I was gay and not happy at all with what I was going through.there has been times where I would forget about this for a second then I would hear something to do with the word gay and the anxiety would suddenly come back to me .there also has been times where I would wake up in the morning to go to school and on the subway station I would see other males and would get very anxious cuz my OCD would ask me, I'm I atttacted to this male or this one or that one .I also would check pictures of girls to see if I Was still attracted to them or not.many days passed by like this and then I started loosing attraction to girls which made me more worried when I thought about bring gay.everyday I would go to school have these thoughts and I would get really anxious . Everyday I would look online forums , yahoo answers or anywhere I thought would have reliable information.
Soon enough the OCD switched from hocd to hurting others OCD . I'm not gonna go into detail for that but it lasted for a while until I used knowledge from my mind and convinced my self that it's stupid and I stoped worrying about it. But my OCD didn't stop there I started having suicidal thoughts and I would say to my self if I should just kill my self instead of killing others. The suicidal thoughts lasted a long time and still try to manage them to this day. Many OCDs came after that , after I hear about pedofiles , I had pedophile OCD , I also have transgender OCDs and many other ones . The hocd thoughts still come follow me around . I remember when I was happy and not worried about anything . Also I remember having such strong attraction to girls and I would get erections when me and my friends talked about girls etc. I have also have had many obbsesions with girls from celbrities to hot girls in school . Now it has all changed from that time. When I talk to my friends I have weird gay thoughts that popin my head , like I'm I attracted to any of them ,I should go out with one of them or thoughts about kissing them , all these thoughts don't make me happy at all , they make me feel really anxious . Idk everytime I hang out with my guy friends gay thought pop up in my head and they really bother me. I usedto hang out with guys perfectly fine and would have alot fun . Now when I hang out with some guy friends or with one male individual alone I can't have fun anymore, gay thought keep clouding my brain and make me really anxious .btw I am a 17 years old
And this OCD has lasted now for about 7 months now and it still bothers me . Some I think I've literally gone crazy because sometimes the other OCDs also come back and really piss me off. I still have suicidal thoughts from here and there buy I keep telling my self , there's alot in life to do and doctor can help u. In other words I make my self feel better by using my mind . I'm gonna end this here because I have to go study and oh yeah I also forgot to say that hocd and all my OCDs have really affected me in school .I'm gonna stop it here but u get the point that I'm trying to get through , please help me I really need to be happy again like...

[ Continued ]

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Honesty is Not Such a Nice Friend by tmc115 on Thu Aug 17, 2017 8:40 pm
Lately I’ve been working on being more open about my problems.

I mention how I feel bad, not being able to make small talk. That I understand how it looks to people on the outside, that I’m just stuck-up, mea...

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1 Comment Viewed 192 times
Who's the Real Victim Here? by tmc115 on Wed Aug 16, 2017 9:56 pm
Both my mom and her brother have emotional/anger issues. Both are prone to screaming and flying off the handles for little things, but you never know what will set them off. Most of the time they are unfazed...

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Introducing myself by Uyucha on Wed Aug 16, 2017 7:24 pm
Hello everyone. My name is Uyucha and I registered in order to chat with people about mental illnesses. No matter which.

For myself, I suffer from very strong DP/DR and maybe a DID but I have no diagnosis...

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0 Comments Viewed 134 times
Inside out by ringkichard0811 on Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:22 am
So much has changed over the last couple months. A and the rest of us are going to AA, willingly. We have a sponsor. We haven't been sober long but the more we get to know ourselves the better we feel....

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Pets by tmc115 on Mon Aug 14, 2017 2:41 am
I found a picture book I did in 1st grade. I drew my mom in bed with a headache. I needed to make my breakfast by myself.
I didn’t remember that book. But I cried when I read it. I may have embellished t...

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2 Comments Viewed 620 times
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Re: Honesty is Not Such a Nice Friend by Snaga on Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:56 pm
And yet you converse so well, here... not the same thing I know- I find this a lot easier and I suspect most people do- but still... if only there were a way of taking this and applying it to the verbal...

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Re: Pets by tmc115 on Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:36 pm
Yeah that's what she called them. Some 'How to Discipline Your Child' for new parents sort of thing. They taught her to do time-outs. I remember time-outs. I never had a problem doing them. I have no memories...

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Re: Yahoo by MotherHorseEyes on Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:05 am
I forgot I wrote this I must've been having a bad time. I made some typos that completely changes the context of a couple sentences.

What do you relate to?

Re: my groupings by Johnny-Jack on Wed Aug 16, 2017 3:47 am
Sexually oriented: Gaul
Physical abuse: Ulrich
Social skills: Cal
Suicidal thoughts: Jonathan
Not quite human: Xavi (tornado)
Calmers: Cal

New categories:
Core: Adam, (Jack has "core-like" characteristics)...

[ Continued ]

Re: Pets by Snaga on Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:32 am
Special classes?

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