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Screaming by flowingtears on Thu Dec 29, 2011 9:19 pm
I feel like screaming.
I want to hurt myself so much.
If I cut, it'll be discovered when I go back to the hospital.
I don't have enough pills to take any sort of significant overdose.
Although that could be easily fixed, I suppose.
I wouldn't take anything that'd make me too ill. Just enough so that I feel some sort of effect from it.
Who knows? I'll think about it.
What I really want is to see blood. I hate my psychiatrist for refusing to discharge me from hospital altogether. I mean, by the time I go back on Tuesday, I'll have only been in hospital for a couple hours during the previous week and a half. So why not just discharge me?
I met up with a friend today. That was nice. She had to go out afterwards though, so we didn't talk for very long. I wish we'd talked longer.
I got a text from another friend asking if I'm avoiding her. This is because I didn't talk to her on facebook chat, even though I was online, and because I didn't answer one of the many pointless and meaningless texts she sends me every day. She never tells me anything about her life, or how she's doing, but she wants to know every single detail about my life. She'll text to ask how I am. I'll reply, ask how she is. The answer is always ok. Then a few hours later, she'll text asking how I am again. If I don't reply quickly, she'll keep texting and asking if I'm ok, until I reply. I'll mention I'm out somewhere. She'll want to know where, who I'm with, what I'm doing. Then later, when she knows I'm back home, she'll text again and ask how my time out went.
Seriously, I need some space!
Life seems so pointless, so meaningless. Everyone dies in the end anyway, no matter what sort of life they lead.
Everyone thinks I'm doing great. Little do they know. I have to be very careful about what I say, because I'm not officially discharged yet.
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