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PLEASE: is this normal or have i completly lost it by kittyblue on Thu Aug 30, 2012 2:32 pm
Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post!
I have so many questions to non borderline/narcissist. I strongly believe my ex husband suffers from this disorder, along with ADHD. I am heartbroken.. I had no idea, none -until our divorce. Yes i saw red flags and ignored, i thought he was just controlling and unforgiving - i didn't know it was deeper.
I have so many questions, not about how he acted but about how I reacted to him... I am consumed with guilt, shame, regret, and fear, empty, the list goes on.
I'm not proud of myself and how the end played out :(
It couldn't end nice; he just wouldn't allow that...
history, whirlwind romance, engaged after 2 months of meeting, married 6 months after that. He had no trust. I found tracking device in my car, he would check phone records, emails, hide tape recorders around the house, talk to me like a business transaction, control all the finances. He devalued my children early on... BUT he could also be the most loving, giving, generous man I’ve ever met. The only way i would describe him is a scared 6 years old. The pattern was about every 3 months we would get into a disagreement or he'd start acting shady and i'd catch him doing something hurtful and call him out on it, he would threaten divorce, papers and all. Just when i would think things were going well, he'd start acting shady again. I started checking his emails whenever he started acting weird, i just never fully felt secure in the relationship. And usually I’d find something. The last time he threatened divorce, i called him on it... I was tired of his false accusations, confusing me with his past (ex wife and mother), belittle me and my kids and me always having to apologize for my feelings of being upset for something he did that was hurtful and promising to change things about me. The divorce was quick and the raging from both ends was ugly. Most of my raging was defending against his projections and twisting of words, or his cruel actions and false accusations.. BUT i said some really hurtful things and i can't seem to shake the way i reacted. Right smack in the middle of our divorce, my mom passed away. My emotions where all over the place and he had no empathy at all, he actually thought it was all about him. i moved out of the house, and he let me because he thought he found his replacement, she didn't turn out what he had expected so his raging and punishing towards me got much worse – i didn't back down . I seriously thought I was going crazy! Throughout all this i didn't understand his hate towards me. He admitted he divorced me as a punishment and was just throwing a tantrum. He was so cruel after the divorce but he kept me engaged in the crazy making. I started therapy and actually formed a friendship with his first wife (who isn’t the evil awful person he portrayed her to be) for months i begged him to reconcile and work at having a healthy relationship. I love him so much and i honestly care about him. After enough begging and pleading on my part, he agreed to reconcile. He moved into my place when our house sold and from the moment he came back he made it clear it was going to be all about him, he treated me like he was doing me a favor - he had no intentions of reconciling, he did nothing to work on the relationship, he was using me until he found his replacement :(
It only lasted a month, he decided one day that we weren't on the same page, didn't want the same things and was going to leave, i didn't beg him to stay.. I had hoped though that we could end things amicably, but of course it didn’t. 2 days later, while still staying with me he was back on a dating site looking for my replacement. In a rage I threw him out, said the nastiest things I could out of such hurt, anger and betrayal.
I feel ju...

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On Trigger Warnings by Ada on Sun Apr 19, 2015 1:37 pm
Trigger warnings are fundamentally about empathy. They are a polite plea for more openness, not less; for more truth, not less. They allow taboo topics and the experience of hurt and pain,...

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Sanity is a refinement of Awareness that takes diligent effort t by Cruxx on Sun Apr 19, 2015 7:58 am
I find myself to be intensely social, naturally inclined to romance,
yet effectively isolated by the grotesque incompetence of those around me.

Persisted with wishful thinking about woMen for as long...

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Body dysmorphia: Living with the dread of your body by margharris on Sun Apr 19, 2015 4:38 am
My son's BDD is spiking. He is confined to bed. He cries that he is really unwell. He touches all the time. Then that triggers a story of high testosterone or DHT levels. He pleads for blood tests to prove...

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Hello. My name is _______ by aster go faster on Sun Apr 19, 2015 3:12 am
Hello! My name is Hannah. My name is also Rachel, Claire, Candon, Eleanor, and Sam. These are the alters that have introduced themselves to me, as of right now. I decided to join this website today, when...

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Bad trip , anexity disorder , panic disorder by Xbrix4865 on Sat Apr 18, 2015 3:44 pm
Hi , so here's my story ... I had a bad trip
it was off a street drug called Molly I was also drinking and smoking lightly ... I don't know if it's because I would abuse my prescription drugs this happened...

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Re: After mid-terms by xod_s on Sun Apr 19, 2015 4:06 am
"The knowledge and skill you have achieved are meant to be "forgotten" so you can float comfortably in emptiness without obstruction. Learning is important but do not become its slave. Above...

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Re: ugh by EarlyMorning on Sat Apr 18, 2015 10:09 pm
I guess sometimes having a good long term memory has it's disadvantages. I wish you well. I think you're a good guy. Whatever that counts for. But I do, all the same. Keep swimming..

Re: bad day by Emz86 on Sat Apr 18, 2015 10:20 am
Hi. How do i post a blog in self injury forum? Thanx for your post! Emz

Re: bad day by Ada on Fri Apr 17, 2015 9:45 pm
Welcome to the forum, Emz :D I'm glad you've found us.

Yes, lots of people here have been in psych units....

[ Continued ]

Re: Munchausen Syndrome by learningmom on Tue Apr 14, 2015 7:43 pm
Thank you Ada. I will give it a try.

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