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The root by periwinkle on Fri Dec 09, 2011 12:56 am
I have come to realize the root of my body dysmorphia, I think.
I'm 27 now. For almost a decade I haven't picked up a beauty magazine or had cable TV. I haven't watched very many mainstream movies. Before that, I had looked at magazines obsessively, comparing every little detail of my looks with the people in the magazines.
Recently, I've been cutting my hair myself, making all sorts of little snips in an effort to make it look "perfect". I asked myself, "Why am I doing this? Why can't I just let it be?". I now know that my mind is very sick. It's been controlled by thoughts that of needing to look like what is shown of celebrities and models. I didn't realize that I still think this way. Whoever is controlling the media today, is controlling me. I'm a sheep. I thought that I had an independent way of thinking. I don't, even after removing myself from as many possible triggers as possible. I don't even have a job at the moment because thoughts of self-hatred have taken over my life.
So I'm sick. Now what? The wound is open. My mind is being controlled.
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