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Mental health vs. physical health by floatingtree on Mon Oct 01, 2012 8:45 pm
I've been sick for a few days. I must have eaten something which disagreed with me. For a while it was nice to lie in bed, in physical rather than emotional pain. To know that just lying here is the right thing to do at the moment.

I spend so much time just feeling guilty and crappy about myself and my life, or feeling annoyed at other people and society. What's the point? At the moment I see the futility in this behaviour, but I'm bound to be miserable again from force of habit.

(Most of the rest of this post is general ranting)

A summary of school: learn whatever stuff we tell you to learn. Fear mistakes. Fear deadlines. Everything is fear. There is no inspiration or motivation here. Don't contradict me.

A summary of work: your training is about covering our own asses. We don't care about you. We only care about you to the extent that you are profitable. But you have to act like you care deeply about us.

Even if you do a little job for someone - mowing a lawn or whatever. You're fulfilling a basic need, and getting a simple reward, but there's such an awkwardness in the money transaction. Yet our jobs summarise our entire personhood - he's a shop assistant, she's a lawyer, he's unemployed.

I'm always thinking, I'll find a job that suits me.. that doesn't take years of college.. And I sit in front of a computer and procrastinate, or occasionally have an "episode". Or just sit there, paralysed.

I do hobbies. I occasionally try and do creative stuff, but I usually feel guilty and end up doing what I've described in the previous paragraph.

Can I solve this problem? Maybe I can't. And it's hard to ask for help. And other people's advice tends to be wildly inappropriate anyway.

Yeah..

I guess I rejected society at quite a young age, partly because much of society rejected me. You probably know the story: kid is unhappy at school, gets bullied, grades go down, teachers start to dislike kid, meanwhile kid's parents are miserable and fighting all the time, kid retreats into fantasy world.

School ended ten years ago. But still, that program is running in my mind - despise authority, life is bleak and pointless, do not comply!

I can make new programs, but I've still got that one running away, like a trojan horse or whatever. Maybe blaming past miseries is a mistake. Maybe my problems are innate, or merely exacerbated by bad experiences.

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Mental Health is more important than school by ladylovelyxo on Wed Oct 22, 2014 6:46 pm
As a full-time student, I am constantly under stress to succeed. I'm also a full-time resident to depression and episodes. How wonderful is that.
I'm trying so hard in both areas. I've taken the day...

[ Continued ]

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I think I * want to try to* love you... by trophywife on Wed Oct 22, 2014 1:03 pm
I wish I could go back to the second, before the minute, before the hour, before the day, before I met him.

I would have done something different.

Why him?
Why not somebody else?
Why not anybody?

It...

[ Continued ]

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Homeless Hopeless, it is more than one letter difference by AmI2014 on Wed Oct 22, 2014 10:05 am
A few years ago, I had an emergency hospital experience. They restarted my heart twice, but could find no reason it was necessary, why they had to. I had been a victim of an unqualified sales presentation,...

[ Continued ]

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So, I've noticed a bit more... (Another trigger warning) by faeriefate on Wed Oct 22, 2014 7:04 am
So, I've been noticing things lately.

First, I've noticed that I've had problems about, once a month. I've had one this month but wasn't able to post about it. So yeah. I guess I should call them episodes,...

[ Continued ]

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Im wacked when it comes to women! by OMNICELL on Wed Oct 22, 2014 1:33 am
Im wacked when it comes to women! and thats OK; I have a legit reason for it; dissociative disorder!

Ive gone deeper! taken more chances! but this is not good enough! the disorder still rules!...

[ Continued ]

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Re: Can't stop hating me. by Ada on Thu Oct 23, 2014 8:52 pm
Fixing people isn't like fixing a broken car. The act of trying to improve something says we're human. Take an Olympic athlete. They constantly try to improve even though they're better at their event...

[ Continued ]

Re: Self diagnosed BDD, nobody takes it seriously by Ada on Thu Oct 23, 2014 8:43 pm
You don't need to talk to your family about it if you don't want. Seeing a therapist can be done in total privacy. It's worth confirming with them in advance. But usually they won't give any information...

[ Continued ]

Re: my suicide note by thefool on Tue Oct 21, 2014 7:25 am
*not followed through.

Re: World by DesLock on Sat Oct 18, 2014 12:47 pm
How long did you get for it?

Hi Riley by Dasari on Fri Oct 17, 2014 1:35 am
Hi Riley, I am a Mom of a 14 year old with DID. I just wanted to say Hi to you. You remind me of N's little Kylie. She is 5-6 and likes to dkip,play barbies & oreos. Big hugs to you & know that...

[ Continued ]

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