Random Blog Entry
What a week by bpdbeetle on Sat Nov 10, 2012 9:24 am
This week has been pretty tough.
It was a long weekend and so all 4 Children were home the whole time. I am having issues with one of my Children (the 11 year old - technically the middle Child) and he has been really testing my patience. Going on the next door neighbour's roof and adjusting their Satellite dish, jumping off the hot water unit, whinging about cleaning and believing that other people should do it for him as he doesn't like to clean. It's been awful.
In desperation, I called my Mother and asked if she could have him (not the other 3 - just him) for the weekend as my Husband was having Surgery on Wednesday and I honestly didn't think I could make it through another weekend with his $#%^ without totally losing it. My Mother (who is 'retired' and hardly has my Children - her only Grandchildren) said that they couldn't as they were going away overnight camping. I told her that I was going through a really tough time (although she already knew this) and basically begged her to take him. She told me that she'd ask my Father but because they had a new Camper they wanted to take it away and needed a relaxing weekend. I spoke to her about my intention of going into Hospital as soon as my Husband was better after his Surgery and told her otherwise I'd be waiting until January to see my Psychiatrist. She didn't say much but my Father did.
The only time my Father rings me is if someone in the family has died, my Mother is in Hospital or if he wants to tell me off about how I have spoken to my Mother (my Mother has the talent of making things 100 times worse than they were). He told me that he thought it was stupid that I was going into Hospital. He had a go at me because I don't have a routine that I can stick to. He challenged me about what I do during the day given the fact I've been off work for the past 11 or 12 weeks or whatever I'm up to now. He told me that I never used to cut myself as a Child but I'd made up memories to replace things that I couldn't remember. This hurt as that is not true. He said they'd notice if I had cut myself. They KNOW that I had problems. They took me to so many places to see what is wrong with me. I had every type of test that you can think of. I was admitted to a Psychiatric Hospital at the age of 15 because I wasn't normal. He told me that I just need to stop it (self harm) and that I am over reacting to the situations that are presented to me. Oh, and he told me that they wouldn't be taking my Son even though I told him that I needed a break. He said 'as you know, he is very high maintenance'.
Throughout this whole conversation, I was in tears. I couldn't breathe. I didn't know until afterwards but I had scratched my arm with my fingernails until it was red raw. It is all scabby now and felt like sunburn. I had no idea I had done that. It took me about an hour to settle down
About half an hour later, my Mother phoned and said that they'd have him and my eldest. My Husband said no not to worry about it. This happens all the time. They upset me and then they suck up. It's $#%^. And it's not a game I'm prepared to play with them.
I had my Psychiatrist appointment on Wednesday for my workers compensation claim. My Employer has responded. I am not going to read it as I don't want it to upset me. I'll only read it if my claim is rejected (which I HOPE it's not). At the moment, I wouldn't be able to stand reading negative things about me and I am sure that's what it's filled with. I've asked my Psychologist to read it and have requested that if anything needs to be addressed that she let me know and I'll do so accordingly but I have no intention of reading it. The rejection and humiliation would be too much for me to take right now.
My Husband is recovering from his Surgery well. I feel like I am looking after 5 Children and he hadn't thanked me until today for everything that I have been doing (which is a hell of a lot). He knows that I wanted him...
[ Continued ]
0 Comments Viewed 483 times
Registered users: 87gurl, am4kds, Angel Divergence, Anonymoususer2345, ashc, Ashlar, Baidu [Spider], Bing [Bot], Caribee4me, cobra cat, Cubby46, dcell59, desktopx, djslanty, Dutches, ElKahn, EMwarped1, Epileptic Monkey, Erato, Esomark, Exabot [Bot], extarget, firebird77, froglady2, Ghost147, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Feedfetcher, GorstTheFriendlyFRPL, hyphybum2014, IainEtc, Kyttin, Love Everyone, margharris, Martijn, meier, metulburr, naname2014, noreally_imfine, Only1left, onlytime, pakuamartin, Professer, sassywatermelons, sceneparade, Schalacian, Seangel, singingintherain, SolitudeLover, stirner, T.A. Anderson, tallaght, telwood, TheComedianDreamer, Tyler77, Violarules, Whiteknight76, worriedgirl103, wwatermelon, Yahoo [Bot], zerosuitsamus