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relationships 101; Im curious... by OMNICELL on Sat Jul 13, 2013 6:42 am
As my condition gets better; and its slowly getting better, I find myself questioning my inner voice and beliefs concerning the world around me! The last thing I remember, I was 16 years old. At 14 years old I had come out of another mental coma, anything beyond 14 sends me into a PTSD struggle, or the beginning of one; thus my freedom from that period lasted 2 years before the death hand began to call to me!
As a child, relationships were a small child's dream! When I grew up I would have all kinds of great relationships, and I would be noticed, admired and loved, just like the characters in a movie; thats all I thought about. That did not happen, at an early age, I was erased and I was put to sleep by God.
Now as I get better, relationships are going to become a reality. First, I must heal up, starting slow with cautionary friendships. Its slow going!
Adult girls are not the same as the girls I remember in high school. Adult women have children, they are beat up from the street up! A bit over weight, Down to earth, abused, beautiful, and tired! Why would they want to take care of me! when they have so much to work on at home and at school, and kids and work and ...... And the list goes on and on! Would I not be a burden! I would be better of with a psych nurse!
I have found the simplest positive attributes might get me married! Having any decent attribute, a man might be attacked by hoards of women!
Im beginning to understand the kind of men women have been used by! Im seeing why women are very appreciate of any man that has the slightest sense of value!
It doesn't matter what the girls look like! They are tore up from the shore up! They are beautiful and down to earth. I do not think I could see them as anything other then admirable considering the heavy load they must burden. I do not see them as sex object, or any other objectification. They are taking care of children! Is this not the most majestic of all things... Its a very humbling situation I find myself in, and confusing, Ive been asleep for 2 3rds my life!
The faster I grow up, the faster I will be dating again! and the faster I will have to grieve the wall of strangulation that I came from. The past will be thrown at me as I re-enter relationships.
I need a few healing months that I can approach women as a normal person, not a hurt person! Although I will continue to be a hurt person, I will not be showing it as much!
For reconnection to occur, I must heal!
I have no idea what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone with children.
I could look for someone who is single with no children. Im not sure what I will find! Im not sure that I am interested in looking! Im not interested in looking!
Its about God! its about praying for his will!
I do not have to look for women, they are everywhere!
How I interact with women:
This is complex and complicated; I hit the PTSD wall! I have to give myself a break! It will take time to slowly ease my way around women! Its all slow practice. One must go slow and easy with women! Slow and easy! Start the conversation pieces; and go from there!
Im scared of my condition; my mental condition is my first priority, not a relationship with a women. I have to be as honest as I can about my situation that I do not lead or mislead someone into the wrong direction. Honestly ( real honesty is the best policy)!
My condition will get in the way of a relationship. I will pull away and need less interaction! If the girl Im interested is not a psych nurse, how will she understand! I suppose if I want a relationship I will tell her what I know!
I do not think the first relationship with last long. I believe I will learn from it! Im have no way of knowing what the outcome will be!
The PTSD walls take up 5o percent of my mind! This causes great problems for conversation. I dissociate and must pull away! I cannot...
[ Continued ]
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