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Been Awhile Since I've Thought About Gambling by youneverknow on Sat Aug 17, 2013 2:31 pm
It's been almost a month since I've come here & posted. I find that I'm slipping back into a real life more and more and my thoughts about my gambling addiction are receding at an equal pace. I'm at a truly good place these days. I don't want to gamble. I don't think about gambling. I don't fool myself into believing I'm 'cured' but I AM past some kind of hurdle because I'm at peace now. It feels like a miracle that I can say I've been completely gambling-free for almost a year and a half (Sep 3 will be 1 year, 6 months COMPLETELY FREE! wow).
But you know what? It's the 'completely' that got me here. IT did the work. All I did was say 'no' to granting myself a scratch-n-win, or a 'quickpick' or any other little treat that we tell ourselves we've earned, or need to stay strong in the battle. Make no mistake, THAT is a lie. You don't need it. It needs you. You see, it's the innocent 'little' gambles that keep us connected to the addiction. Lightly. Easily. But totally connected. So when a bad urge hits, you're already primed to succumb. And unfortunately, during the struggle, bad urges can & do happen.
By swearing off EVERY form of gambling I stumbled onto a winning formula. It allowed me to get stronger with each day (even though I honestly didn't realize the HUGE effect it would have) and it turns out that each day you are TRULY away from gambling, is the ONLY way to become noticeably stronger. And (this is my favorite part) the stronger you get, the easier it becomes, until one day not far off from your true quit day, you discover you're free.
Free from the pain and agony of being helplessly controlled by an addiction. Free from fear of failure. Free to live the life that you deserve.
So fight those little battles. They're easy and they get you in shape for the big ones that occasionally hit. And most importantly, they show you that you can do it. Never underestimate the power of proof. It fortifies us on this journey.
I'm here today spouting my observations from my own journey for two reasons. One, I get strength from reaffirming my stake in this fight and two, I KNOW how much other people's stories have helped me, so I figure giving back is the very least I can do.
I truly hope it may help someone else when they need something extra.
You know, I used to end my posts with a prayer (or chant) - 'Today I will not gamble. Never again', but I've decided that from now on I'm going to end it with an unbelievably arrogant brag...
Today I will not gamble. Never again.
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