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(Trigger warning!) Just going to vent a bit about abuse by IwAsSoMeGuY on Tue May 27, 2014 2:53 pm
Yeah I'm just using this as a journal/diary thing. You have no idea who I am so you can't really use this against me. I hope.
ANYWAY on to the subject. When I think about my abuse compared to others I have read about I seem to have gotten off/be getting off pretty lightly. Uh so let's talk about the past first, which was stronger than what it is now.
Earliest memories of bullying are from about Year 1 (Age 6), which wasn't so bad... Probably beaten up once, some minor emotional bullying. All this was in school. Plus side I met two people who shall be called A1 (Female) and A2 (Male). Year 2 it picked up a bit, probably beaten up three times. End of Y2 A2 had to leave. It should be noted Me, A1, and A2 were EXTREMELY close. You might want to call this the time I first self harmed, because I may have run in to a brick wall BY ACCIDENT in school. Year 3 me and A1 were in separate classes (Seriously, my abandonment issues come with reasons). So only able to see her at break and lunch, and because I'm so terrible at making friends and she's so amazing at it I basically ended up hanging out with her and all her girl friends. Rumours start spreading me and A1 love each other, me always denying it rather than ignoring it probably made it worse... Physical bullying I don't remember happening this year in large terms. Oh I'm going to say now that I never fought back because I was afraid of the consequences with teachers (Probably because my mum always sided with my sister at home, so I assumed the teachers would be against me too if I did anything). Y4 again nothing much happened, mostly emotional bullying at school. I think it was when I was in this year (Age 9 I think) that I recall the only time I was physically abused by my mother. I fell asleep on the floor downstairs and next thing I know I've been picked up by my collar and chucked half way across the room because she thinks I'm faking it. To this day she still says I was faking it. I think it was this year that somebody who was new to the school threatened everyone in my class with a hacksaw (Back in the days of less Health and Safety ) Y5 I'm back in the same class as A1, but things aren't really the same. She's grown apart from me now. More emotional bullying, people blame me for the class goldfish dying. Y6 I remember it was return of being beaten up. I hate to admit I was beaten up by a Y5, but that's because I didn't fight back... On a later date in that year it should be noted that somebody in my year was chasing me (With violent intent, not just playing tag) and I kicked out behind me and almost broke his leg... So now I try and stay the hell away from being physical. I also recall there was this guy in our year who took his shirt off once while playing football (He had a vest on underneath) and some girls took it and hid it, then blamed it on me, so I got a punch for that... Also because of rumours about me and A1 liking eachother she tells me to not be near her (Seriously, this is why I laugh when somebody tells me they won't leave. Everyone does! It's not really a fear as much as an acceptance, but I still try as hard as possible to stop it from happening for some reason). Year 7 (A.k.a. the start of secondary school) it started out well! I had friends! Then they realized how sensitive I was (I cried easily back then, now I never do it unless I'm by myself in my room) and bye bye 'friends'. Secondary school so far has been emotional bullying, a few people have tried to start fights with me but I just refuse. And I'm not telling you anything after Y7 so you don't know my EXACT age... As a minor that would put me in serious danger or something or other... Maybe in the future I will reveal all, and almost definitely in the future I will talk more about family life. For now, I have a sort of question... IS the fact that my mum refuses me food for probably 3 hours or so after meals because...
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