Here I go, losing control
Watch me slip down the rabbit hole
One more step, I'll be gone
Last night they gave me an IMI because I was "aggressive" and swearing. And I told one nurse a long story of how my brother used to ###$ me, and so because of that they're not letting me have leave. Just another potent example of me ######6 things up by trusting people. It's all a lie though, but for once they believe me. Ironic really. I slept all of today. In my dreams...
I'm desperate to escape this reality. Sacrifices are necessary in the attainment of peace. Happiness. I need drugs.
I need drugs.
And I'm not even an addict yet.
Stop the world, stop the world, I wanna get off. I don't want to play this game anymore.I don't want to be a part of this! I just want to sleep. Sleep forever.
SLEEP FOREVER
Sacrifices are necessary in the process of getting what one wants. I will die to achieve it.
My heart's broken, it was never whole.
A little baby, gazing out at the world with those new eyes. And it's all a waste.
It's all a waste.
My life is ###$. And I've just realized someone took my flowers. My source of hope, the purest source apart from the promise of crystal meth. I don't mind sacrificing my body for crystal. I need it. I want it to control me. Nothing good in my life has ever happened except coming to this ward, and now even that's turned on me. I'm imprisoned in this place, locked inside smiles and promises of "I'm fine". Please, don't disappear. I wanna leave but I never wanna leave.
I want someone to protect me, share my body warmth gazing up at the pepper-spray of stars in the night sky. My body is a cage. Lying in the sun, feel the warmth on my skin. I'm just huddled in my little hole, underneath the bed where all the monsters sleep. I want someone to care. I want someone to care.
Alex says he'll protect me. How can he? How can anyone? If someone really wants to die they will eventually find a way of doing it, in the end.
i carry your heart with me (i carry it in my heart)
I'm too exhausted to write the rest. Tear stains on my pillow on my paper.
This is the song that gets me through: Bonfire - Memoryhouse.
Stop the world, stop the world, I wanna get off.
All hope lost.
I want to be pure. I want to forget, but all I do is remember. I want to remember, but all I can do is forget.
A life wasted. It wasn't meant to be, it wasn't meant to be. All that potential, wasted. A whole life, a lifetime. Wasted. What is it that is so tragic about a teen suicide?
I just can't do this anymore.
My life is truly ###$.