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   Tue Jul 24, 2012 10:03 pm

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Permanent Linkby null on Tue Jul 24, 2012 10:03 pm

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Care enough just to stick around and see what happens--for now

Permanent Linkby null on Fri Feb 24, 2012 11:24 pm

The only time I care to talk to others is when the anxiety from not having human contact is too much to bear. Living alone I'd probably go insane, I do enjoy the presence of others, just not when their actions involve me. This general feeling varies, and it's percentage involves how anxious I'm feeling. My anxiety hovers around a 6-10 on the daily. But when I can get it to about a 5 or 4, then there is a greater chance I could interact with someone and even have a good time. This combined with my introverted personality can leave me not having a meaningful conversation with someone for weeks. Grunts and sentences less than 3 words is the mode of communication. That'd be fine too, but again if a panic attack were to come on, then the need to relate to someone else or feel the effects of conversation become greater. Derealization is noted throughout this limbo I find myself in and hyper-analyzation does not help either. There are times when I feel completely normal, but it's fleeting and rather brief.

I don't feel the need to get to know others and I don't really want to get to know anyone. I listen to conversation and only hear birds chirping, what they say is meaningless and obvious. It's as if you could take anyone from anywhere and place them in the same situation and they would all be saying the same exact thing. I don't want anyone to put on a show, but everyone seems to operate in regurgitated memes, rather than actual thought. I feel extremely numb, unaffected by emotion, all of my facial expressions seem forced when talking to others, as if I am trying my hardest to show that I am feeling something when they talk. This is not to say that I am a cold heartless bastard. I do care deeply for humanity and some of the people around me, it's just for the most part, there is no emotion on my behalf throughout my day.

It wasn't always like this, nor do I think it will be. I find when I am around people I can relate to in some way, I actually can participate in conversation, make jokes, and feel alright. But as it stands.I seem to be just waiting for this all to end, and when it does, it will be accompanied by a smile.
Last edited by null on Fri Feb 24, 2012 11:34 pm, edited 5 times in total.

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Rambling

Permanent Linkby null on Fri Jan 13, 2012 1:12 am

I take an anarchistic approach to this "problem." Intellectual property has been the sacred cow of 2011/2012..Why is utilizing your own technology to pass voltage recognized as a 1 or 0 to another machine ever to be considered a crime? The logical abstraction that is law of protecting other's intellectual ideas has, as most issues in this world, some positives and some negative aspects. The basic idea is that the idea creator should be compensated for what he has newly created. I do not disagree with that statement, a person should be compensated, but at the expense of who? Is the creation itself not enough? Is the idea of millions of others replicating your initial designs, system, structure, platform not enough? Why must arbitrary rules be placed on those that are undoubtedly going to replicate your magnificent machine for the benefit of all? Monetary gain is a foolish reason to stifle progress, it is a foolish reason to use force against others so that only your design and your machine alone be allowed to exist in the market. The plight we see the RIAA,MPAA, and other copyright enforcers shows you the diligence and also the incompetence of a dying industry. It is silly to think that you can make technology adapt to your business model; impossible to succeed in limiting the sharing of information via P2P or any other type of service that allows the replication of bits. What this technology has done, has shrunk the that enormous gap between the corporation, with its all encompassing economic and marketing prowess so that you or I or anyone with an idea of their own, can freely distribute and market their ideas, their music, their software, their news. You are just competition in the game industries played against one another and they really don't like that. So what is the answer, morally? Are you really 'stealing'? I myself, always like to donate anything I find valuable, I enjoy compensating those that benefit me in some way, there's that equilibrium aspect to humanity that drives me to do those things. I am confident in humanity to be able to compensate those without resorting to stifling and suffocating law. Yes, there will be some that do not feel the need to compensate you, and I believe that's ok too. Nobody owns an idea, or information, they're aggregates of many ideas past, to put a restriction on your idea is to put a limit to the thousands of ideas of others flying in your brain every day that ultimately lead up to your idea. So It's time the industry adapt to the reality of technology, rather than making it adapt to them. Pirate, copy, share, and compensate all who you wish, and if not, that's ok too.

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