Hello. I am a female in my 30s and I have been having a problem with a female friend of mine. She is 10 years older than I am, and I am aware that she is suffering from empty nest syndrome (first time living on her own). We have been friends for about 2 years now and everything has always been fine between us until I 1)started school 2) moved into a new house 3) got into a relationship. Before I explain what happened, let me tell you a bit about how and who she is, to give you a general idea.
-Her home is disgusting, filthy dirty, messy, nasty. She never cleans. Ever.
-She used to be a crack addict, but now uses cocaine and percocet pills.
-She is very loud and aggressive and oftentimes say things for reactions.
-She brags about having Bipolar, but I do not think she is Bipolar.
-She is extremely promiscuous, she seems to have a different sex partner (male or female) every other night. She has even made passes at me and touched my vagina through my jeans. I declined. Her rendezvous are usually always unprotected.
-She was sexually abused as a child, clearly.
-She has sex with both men and women and always has to have someone with her, can never be alone.
-She cheats in her relationships.
-She will smile in someone's face and tell them how wonderful they are and the second their back is turned she talks ill of them.
-She brags of the people she has sex with as if they are achievements.
-She brags about the fights she has gotten into and the damage she did to the person also as if they are achievements.
-Everyone is always "doing her so wrong" nothing is her fault.
-She cries a lot.
-She always has to be the center of attention whether it's visually or by her being loud.
-She is always wearing very loud colors in her hair and her clothing, always funky wild hair cuts, many tattoos and piercings.
-She literally can never be alone, and if she is, she is always on the phone.
-Her attention span is that of a fruit fly.
-Everything has to be about her, whether it's a friend trying to talk about their own problems she shifts them back to her....or whether it's planning to hang out it HAS to be something she wants to do.
-She steals from stores.
I could go on. Anyways, what happened is this. Everything was great until I started a very demanding semester. I alerted all of my friends to be courteous that I wouldn't be so available for the next 3 weeks until my final was out of the way. Still, as busy as I was I communicated with her because she was going through a break up. I had just moved into my new place but had invited her over any time she's like, even tho I was studying. She declined. She told me that if I wanted to see her that I would have to go there. Sigh.
I was still actively communicating with her, texting, calling, and on social media. I noticed she stopped responding to me......she even stopped "liking" my posts on social media but would like all my friends posts. Passive aggressive childishness, I know. Though, Id' still try. To no avail. During this time I got a boyfriend. I only dated him for a month and we only seen one another once a week (our schedules were awful and clashed). After my semester ended, I alerted my friends and was trying to get everyone together, she was the only one who didn't respond. She was actually ignoring my calls, social media messages, texts for weeks. I still tried. So, I asked her what was wrong and she deleted me from social media. I Panicked and ran to her house with her favorite color flowers and a card trying to apologize for nothing. I feel I wasn't wrong. I am trying to better my life in school and all my friends know and support this and are aware that sometimes I am going to be unavailable...even though I make up for it when I do have free time. She claimed I was neglecting her for months. This is not true, I was actively communicating and she was ignoring me. She claimed since I met my boyfriend that I have not cared about her. This is also untrue. I only ever went on 4 dates with him before that ended. She complained that I didn't go to her last birthday a year ago but went to another friends birthday. (I took her out to lunch for one birthday, my birthday I spent alone, her next birthday I couldn't afford to attend and had an exam the next morning, my next birthday I spent alone, and recently I got invited out to lunch by another friend and I went and that is why she is angry). I think it's childish. She is 41. I feel like she has way too much expectation held over my head, because she doesn't do this to anyone else but me. Some friends she has that they don't see one another for months at a time. It's literally just me she does this to. Anyways, I went to her house trying to make ammends and her friend was there confronting me about how I have nerve calling myself her friend yet she has yet to meet the guy I'm seeing (can I get to know him first???? Geez) and how I missed her birthday (she missed 2 of mine, and I took her to lunch and paid for her last bday). I got upset because I don't think she should be discussing our personal problems with nosy friends. We ended up smoothing it over, she apologized to me and said that I have been an excellent friend and that I just caught the brunt end of her turmoil lately, and that I "made the cut" because no one has fought for her like that before. I was extremely insulted and knew at that point that I really didn't want someone like that as my friend anymore. She's unhealthy and it shows to me know. Anyways, it has been strained since. I still tried to communicate with her afterwards though, still, to no avail. Now she's always busy, always with this friend, always doing this and that and I am never invited. It's like she is punishing me for nothing. I never neglected her, she is just saying I was, and now that she has that set in her mind, she wants to punish me by being busy all the time now. Childish. I invited her to a dance and she didn't want to go. She had a pot luck and I wasn't invited but then she became angry that I wasn't there. How am I supposed to know there is one when you didn't invite me? Smh. Meanwhile she had been posting for months about "fake friends" on her social media and when asked about it she would lie. I couldn't take it anymore so I confronted her politely and because of that she ended our friendship and demanded her outfit back that she left here. Smh. On one hand I am glad it's over because she is way too much to handle. She is never satisfied and sucked the energy right out of me. On the other hand I want to know what is wrong with her. I was the only friend she had that never back stabbed her or slept with her men or stole from her....I was always very loving and giving and loyal and this is the result. I think she has BPD and is a narcissist. But I would like different unbiased opinions on this matter. I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.