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lilnumber9
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A Strange Thought...
   Sat Jul 14, 2012 12:54 am
Electricity
   Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:04 am

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A Strange Thought...

Permanent Linkby lilnumber9 on Sat Jul 14, 2012 12:54 am

I know this probably won't get any responses from anyone, but I figured I'd post it anyhow.
So I got to thinking about a thread of incidents in my life that seem rather different, and wonder if anyone else has had similar experiences...

Ever since I can remember, I've had no irrational fear of "haunted" places. This is what I mean; when I was ten, I was visiting my aunt and uncle in S. Carolina. They lived on a big plot of land that at one time served as a tobacco plantation. As with many of the properties down there, they had abandoned buildings littering their land. My cousin and I used to go running around the property, just exploring, and my cousin always got really upset every time we came to one particular decaying barn. He claimed it was haunted, but I was curious, so I went inside and started poking around. My cousin, in the meantime was freaking out a bit and refused to go inside. I stepped on a rotting board which knocked a bunch of rubble loose, and my cousin tore off across the yard in a panic. I never understood why he was scared.

Another incident; a friend of mine in high school invited me to stay at his house for the weekend. He was convinced his house was haunted (this "superstitious problem" is still a problem... since this guy is still my only friend). He warned me that going into his basement was a sure-fire way to see for myself, and of course, I wanted to see for myself, so into the basement I went. My friend rattled some brooms and dustpans on the opposite side of the door - I think to try to scare me - but I just thought it was a weird thing to do. I was getting bored, so I ended the experiment after sitting on the stairs for almost fifteen minutes. I never "saw what he saw," if that makes sense, and consequently never understood why he had the notion his house was haunted. :?

There are other examples, but those are the main two. Any more, I have a fascination with desolate spaces - abandoned houses and the like - mostly because I find it weird how things like that can cause fear in people, and more importantly, I wonder why they cause fear in people. I also just think they look interesting. :oops:

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Electricity

Permanent Linkby lilnumber9 on Tue Jul 03, 2012 1:04 am

Electricity -- what is it?

That's the question. It's a strange thing that people seemingly cannot function without. I must be in the minority - ever since living through several hurricanes in Florida, going without air conditioning, television, internet access, electric lights, and all the other luxuries of modern life, power-outages are like camping out for me. It's a retreat from the ordinary and a reminder that life is more than physical comfort, and it's even possible to enjoy life when such comforts are absent.

Where is this coming from all of a sudden? Well, a few days ago, we had a large storm blow through the state I live in and, in my neighborhood, a number of houses collapsed under falling trees. In my state, half a million people lost power, and it takes a long time to repair that many damaged lines. Power just got restored to my neighborhood today. That's incredible efficiency, too. My friend, who lives thirty miles away, out in the boonies, will go without electricity until a week from Wednesday, if the estimates are accurate.

So what did I do on my suburban camping safari?

I...

- Set up a tent in the back yard because it was cooler outside than it was inside.
- Made strange, pointy sculptures out of fallen sticks and other various debris.
- Played guitar with various people on the front porch, like suburban hillbillies. Something I almost never do, even if you ignore the public exposure aspect of it. Temporary insanity. That must be it.
- Read three books.
- Wrote almost two chapters of a story I'm starting.
- Observed the neighbors sniping and outright yelling at one another in their yards.
- Cleaned a whole bunch of stuff, mopped the wood floor in my room, waterproofed my boots, mowed the lawn, pulled weeds, and in general, tended to my two flowerbeds and my garden. They look better right now than I've ever seen them look - at least since I started them. They looked pristine on day one.
- Played with the cats a lot - and I mean a lot. They're great entertainment. I'm all out of catnip, though.

...and most likely, some other stuff I've forgot.

It's strange to me that I never do a lot of those things when we have electricity. I also don't talk to as many people. My curious observation is that I seem to accomplish more things, and have more free time when the power is out, than when we have power, though I do just as much work. I also seem to have much less free time when we have power. I don't get it. :|

Oh-well. Anyhow, I'm back! And amazingly, I didn't get eaten alive by mosquitoes! Hooray for suburban camping.

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The short version

Permanent Linkby lilnumber9 on Sun Apr 08, 2012 4:52 am

I have a history of poorly choosing my friends. My first best friend, when I was 10-14 or so - give or take a few years either way - sexually abused my sister and I (my sister is two years younger than me). Meanwhile, parents were getting divorced and didn't have time for either myself or my sister, so we were left to fend for ourselves.

My mom married a guy with severe issues (NPD, ex-navy, he binged on crack/coke and meth a lot, and was partially quadriplegic).
My dad was physically abusive for as long as I can remember, and only got worse during and after the divorce.
Parents settled on shared custody.
Oh what fun my teenage years were.

Basically, I was forced into a position of self-reliance for most things, fell out from clinical settings; I rarely went to doctors, dentist, etc..., and kept to myself. I've always had issues trusting people, and I have some ridiculous boundary issues that I'm still trying to iron out.

I'm still a loner and I still don't really know how to relate to most people, but I'm getting better at it and forcing myself into social situations where I know I'll be uncomfortable so I can adjust, but until I get a proper job with proper insurance benefits, I'm on my own fighting against myself as best as I can. I started seeing a psychiatrist several years back for ADHD (did then screening and everything) and I'm still following that course today because it helps keep me organized and mentally unfoggy. I'm paying for that treatment out-of-pocket and doing freelance graphic design and computer service to fund it, which keeps me relatively active, but it's a struggle just carrying that on what I make every month. :? I need to learn how to market myself better or something.
I thought the rest of society was corrupt and disgusting until a few years ago; now I know it's me that has the problem. A lot of it came from how I grew up and I don't think there's any arguing that point.

Surprisingly, I think I'm rather well adjusted after all the crap I've been through. I don't drink, don't use drugs, and probably the worst thing I do is smoke cigarettes.

Now, I must somehow forget that I have posted this ,or i I will be highly tempted to delete it. :P
Last edited by lilnumber9 on Sun Apr 08, 2012 5:01 am, edited 4 times in total.

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What IS that?!?

Permanent Linkby lilnumber9 on Sun Mar 18, 2012 6:55 am

Got back to my more-permanent dwelling-place to find that my cat has suddenly and inexplicably developed an aural hematoma in her ear. :cry: No vet until Monday, so I get to do an aspiration to relieve the swelling. Hooray.

I feel bad for my kitty. :cry: Her ear is all blown up like a balloon. It's not infected - but ugh, aspirations are definitely among my least favorite things. I'm betting my cat isn't find of them, either.
Last edited by lilnumber9 on Mon Mar 19, 2012 6:07 am, edited 7 times in total.

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The logic of my life

Permanent Linkby lilnumber9 on Sat Mar 17, 2012 8:40 am

I have more anxiety issues than I know what to do with this month. Lately, I've been thinking a lot about whether it's worthwhile to maintain the only friendship I have. Not without reason, of course.

I sometimes stay at my friend's house as a micro-vacation from the depressing life I live during the weekdays. My friend is a kindly benefactor and allows me to sleep on his couch, which is slightly less miserable for me than sleeping in my childhood bedroom at my father's house. However, for the last several months, it has become commonplace for me, upon arriving at my friend's house, to immediately initiate a neurotic cleaning spree of his filthy living room, and to sanitise his couch (he has twin boys and my friend and his wife have essentially given up trying to maintain an environment anywhere near what I might consider habitable). Today, I spent a total of two hours organising, picking up uneaten food, and vacuuming both the carpet, and the couch upon which I should currently be sleeping. I can't sleep tonight because I have too much on my mind. I'm getting into a bad routine by coming here to escape being at my dad's house. I feel like a teenager again, hiding out from the unending chaos of my home-life, which is still just as unending today as it was when I was a teenager. I can't stand it there, but I can't stand feeling like I'm being a burden on the only friend I have, either. Jeeze, I'm just full of rationality these days. Just to clarify: my friend, I think, brings me here just so I will clean his living room. And because I don't always beat him at billiards. Just some of the time. Also because he knows I'm going out of my mind at my dad's house, and he's a considerate friend.

Oh, I'm sure this is a perfectly healthy relationship. Still, how can anyone but my cats put up with me? I wouldn't be able to do it, honestly.
Last edited by lilnumber9 on Sat Mar 17, 2012 2:50 pm, edited 27 times in total.

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