i was abused so long ago by my father and step mother
so why do i want to get in touch with him now so much
i would have been under 4 at the time now im 22

he betrayed me in a way a father shouldn't
he scared me for life
he is the reason i am the way i am today

i hate him so much
so why now do i want contact?
i want to know if he thinks of me, if he cares
if he cares about the pain and suffering he cursed me

what would it have been like growing up with a father who cares?
would life be any better?

i dont know

i just want to tell him how i feel
how he makes me feel
dose he care about me

i find it a condense that im working hard to get the help i need and issues with my father come to the surface
i dont know if i should tell the hospital staff or my workers about this or not i mean i want to contact him but without others knowledge (few people who know at this point the better)

im lost for what to do

my uncle dosent know his address he knows the suburb i tried the phone book but came up with nothing

why is nothing easy in my life everything is so hard to do?