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Pornography and Sexual Addiction Recovery and Hope
Recovering pornography and sexual addict seeking to help lead others to freedom from this deadly addiction as well as help to inform, prevent and fight the demand for human sex trafficking which is directly impacted by sexual addiction.
jasonpresley
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- June 2012
Can pornography be considered a drug?
   Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:52 pm
Is there such a thing as a sexual addiction? Who cares!
   Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:51 pm
Pre-Emptive Verses Reactive Accountability
   Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:50 pm
So what is pornography?
   Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:49 pm

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Can pornography be considered a drug?

Permanent Linkby jasonpresley on Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:52 pm

Pornography causes a similar dependency in the brain just like cocaine does. The brain becomes dependent on the chemical release that is triggered when looking at pornography or acting out. Just like traditional drug use people addicted to porn can’t “just quit” because of the chemical dependency that has been established and the withdrawal that is experienced when they do, thus an addiction. Pornography also is not harmless as it leads to other more dangerous and illegal activities. When one drug does not produce the same high as it used to a drug addict seeks out a stronger drug. Nobody wakes up one morning and just decides to do meth. Likewise people don’t wake up and simply choose to solicit a prostitute or sexually assault someone. Pornography is usually the gateway to other more dangerous and illegal activities. Unlike drug addictions however admitting to a pornography or sex addiction comes with a heavy stigma. If I admit that I’m an alcoholic or abuse drugs and ask for help people will commend me for being brave and asking for help. If I do the same thing as a pornography addict people avoid me like I have an incurable and highly contagious disease. Whether you think viewing porn is fine or not we need to stand behind those that admit that they have a problem with it and support them in getting the help that they need. Just telling them to “get over it” or ignoring the problem will not make it go away but will drive them deeper and deeper into their addiction.

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Is there such a thing as a sexual addiction? Who cares!

Permanent Linkby jasonpresley on Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:51 pm

This is a question that has come up a lot lately. Can a person be addicted to sex? I have a hard time with the debate around this question because I don’t feel like the dismissing of the term “sex addiction” and arguing that such an addiction benefits society in any way. This is my own opinion and I know that there are probably technical definitions of what an addiction is but I think that an addiction is any behavior in which an individual feels compelled to participate regardless of the negative or even potentially negative consequences.

Most all addicts participate in their specific behavior to escape some kind of reality or to medicate themselves from painful experiences or realities. Alcoholics drink, drug addicts use, and shopaholics purchase as a way of escape from depression, anxiety, stress, etc., yet we don’t have a debate on whether Alcoholism is a disease or not. We talk about treating the alcoholism but those that use sex instead of drugs or alcohol to escape are being blasted and told that there is no such thing as a sexual addiction. This only helps to perpetuate the feelings of shame and rejection which drive the individual further into their destructive patterns of behavior.

Our society has become hypocritical when it comes to people that are caught in patterns of destructive sexual behavior. Society has dismissed any kind of sexual standard. We have progressed into a hedonistic society. Saving sex until marriage and remaining faithful in marriage are laughed upon as unrealistic ideals. We are told that sex is to be shared and enjoyed in any way that an individual chooses. Hetro, homo, bisexual, fetishes as long as it is ok with you then nobody has the right to tell you that it is not appropriate. The issue I have is when a person states that they are participating in a behavior that they feel in inappropriate and want to quit. When they ask for help society in general turns on them and rejects that they have a problem. I think this is basically because in order to help a person identify and deal with their (real or perceived) inappropriate behavior we have to evaluate our own sexual standards and boundaries and that is exactly what society is against, any kind of boundaries.

Individuals will argue that there are societal boundaries. Most people in the USA will agree that it is wrong to rape another person. Likewise it is also wrong to abuse a woman or child. In other countries however a man is not looked down upon or punished if he openly beats his wife. You can argue that we have laws here that set sexual guidelines such as making rape illegal. Homosexuality and polygamy are both outlawed in most places in the US but people still participate in both of those practices.

The ultimate point is that there are a growing number of people who are admitting to compulsive sexual behaviors that they feel they are unable to stop. Addiction or not people want help. Let’s quit arguing about whether it is technically an “addiction” get over the hypocrisy and provide them with the help that they are seeking.

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Pre-Emptive Verses Reactive Accountability

Permanent Linkby jasonpresley on Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:50 pm

When an individual is fighting an addiction or trying to overcome any kind of negative behavior one of the greatest tools is good accountability. Over the next couple of posts I’m going to describe two different accountability models as well as some characteristics of how to be a good accountability partner.

There are two general types of accountability, pre-emptive and reactive accountability. Most individuals are more aware of reactive accountability. This kind of accountability is also the reason many people don’t feel that accountability is worth anything. In this model accountability is nothing more than a dreaded confessional in which you have to tell all the ways that you have screwed up in the past week. Your partner listens, may ask you a couple of questions and then you go on dreading having to meet again for another week.

I am not bashing confession. Confessing our sins is one of the greatest tools that we have to take away the power that Satan has over us. He loves secrets. He loves secret sin. As long as it is a secret it has power over us and that is what he wants. However, if accountability is nothing more than weekly confession it is doing nothing to help us conquer our habitual sin.

Pre-emptive accountability is something that I was introduced to in counseling. The point of pre-emptive accountability is to have a group of accountability partners that you can call as soon as you’re triggered and BEFORE you act out. When dealing with any kind of addiction one of the hardest things is once you are triggered to act out finding something to do so that you interrupt the established pattern of being triggered leading directly into acting out and to help get you past the danger point of acting out. This is where your accountability partner becomes critical.

First of all you should have three or four accountability partners ready. This is because if one of them is unable to answer your call you can try another one. When you are triggered and feel like you want to act out the first thing that you do is call one of your partners. It is NOT your partner’s job to rescue you. Their only job is to ask you three questions. Question one is “What do you have to tell me?” At this point you need to be very honest about what triggered you and what it is you are thinking about doing. Especially with sexual addicts your partners need to know that there are times that you will need to be rather explicit. Don’t sugar-coat what it is you are thinking about. Saying something like “I saw a pretty girl and I’m having impure thoughts” is not going to help anyone and it is not what you are thinking. When they ask what do you need to tell me be honest. “I was coming out of the McDonalds downtown and saw a very busty woman in a tight black mini-skirt walking down the street and all I want to do is find the nearest restroom so that I can go masturbate thinking about her!” It is important to add the details so that you are being honest and your partner can help you identify ways in the future to address these issues. If you call them numerous times and have issues when you come out of the downtown McDonalds because of the woman that are around there you may need to find a new McDonalds or just start bring your lunch to work.

Once you have told them what has triggered you and what you want to do the second question that they are then to ask is “What are you GOING to do?” They know what you want to do. You just told them. Now you need to tell them what your alternative plan is to deal with your current aroused state until you are either somewhere safe, with someone safe or until you have calmed down. I was driving home from work one day and saw a busty woman jogging down the street and was triggered. I called one of my partners, John. After I told him what was going on he asked what I was going to do and I told him, “I’m going to talk to you for the next 7 minutes until I get home to my wife.” You might need to...

[ Continued ]

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So what is pornography?

Permanent Linkby jasonpresley on Wed Jun 13, 2012 2:49 pm

So what is pornography? This has been a question that has been debated between individuals clear up to the Supreme Court but nobody has been able to come up with a solid definition for pornography. I’d like to offer a reason for this and give you my own definition of pornography.

The reason that I think pornography is so hard to describe is because everyone has different opinions. Try to define which foods are gross. My cousin hates mushrooms. He would put mushrooms into the gross category. My stepfather can’t stand the texture of cottage cheese. He would put cottage cheese in the gross category. I love both mushrooms and cottage cheese but can’t stand popcorn or ketchup. Everyone’s tastes are different so trying to come up with a solid one size fits all definition of what is gross would be impossible. There are some items that have no nutritional or flavorful value at all. There are some things that we can all agree on that would be gross, such as earth worms, dirt, and that stuff they make you drink before taking an x-ray of your insides (which I think is nothing more than liquefied chalk). You would be very hard pressed to find anyone that honestly enjoys eating these kinds of things. There is the other side as well. My kids would say that tomatoes are gross. They have decided that they don’t like them for one reason or another and tell us so. However, if they are mixed into a dish they will eat them without question and even complement their mother on the meal. Contrast that with my cousin and mushrooms. He has been known to be able to taste and pick out the tiny mushrooms from half a can of cream of mushroom soup that was used in an entire casserole. This goes to show that sometimes we can define something one way but it is truly our actions and responses that dictate the true definition. The true definition of what is gross for my boys would not include tomatoes but for my cousin would include mushrooms based off their responses when eating those foods.

So how does this all relate to pornography? There was a popular quote in 1964 by Supreme Court Justice Potter Stewart where he said [I can’t define what is pornography.] “But I know it when I see it.” This paraphrased version of his quote shows how defining pornography is like defining gross food. We may not be able to put absolutes on it be we know it when we see it because of the reaction that it causes within us. The World English Dictionary defines pornography as “writings, pictures, films, etc., designed to stimulate sexual excitement.” Can I propose a different definition? Pornography is writings, pictures, films, etc., which stimulate sexual excitement. See the difference? I think we have been so caught up on trying to define pornography by the reasons for which it was created when we should each individually be defining it by what it does to us.

Any formal definition of pornography would most likely exclude Victoria Secret catalogs. Those catalogs are created with the intent of selling women’s under garments and intimates. That is what it was “designed” to do. However when I and a majority of other men see a Victoria Secret catalog it begins to stimulate sexual excitement within us. The catalog was not designed (or I don’t think it was) as a product for the purpose of sexual stimulation however that is the reaction that many men have when looking through it. This is the reason that I would modify the definition of pornography from what it was “designed to” do but instead simply by what it does to a person. If I am guarding my heart and mind from pornography that includes Victoria Secret’s catalogs. I know full well that there are some people out there that can look at them and not get aroused at all. To them it is not pornography. We each must define our own standard of pornography but we must do so honestly by what feelings and reactions we have to the material rather than what society says or what we “want” our definition ...

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