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isoko49
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- July 2011
July 4th to 7th
   Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:50 am
And we're into July
   Sun Jul 03, 2011 3:19 pm

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July 4th to 7th

Permanent Linkby isoko49 on Thu Jul 07, 2011 10:50 am

3 Good things.....well, my computer is not one of them as I'd just written out most of my blog for today and then it deleted it :evil:

Anyway - struggling today for my 3 things as I'm at a complete loose end. I didn't have plans for this week - I was supposed to be all loved up with my new fella (who has, in my mind, become creepy guy....gotta love that black & white thinking!) My ex has the girls this week - and has taken them 100 miles away to visit his folks. they will love spending time with their other grandparent's but I miss them. I probably wouldn't have seen them even if they hadn't gone away but it's a lot easier to handle when they're only 2 minutes away. Sigh.....

Anyway - I'm sitting at my kitchen table, having spent the morning reading a book and eating FAR too much chocolate for breakfast.....the plan is i will get cracking with some writing! Once I get started I will be fine but I'm seriously lacking motivation this week.

Anyhoo - 3GT.

1. Had a great time at rehearsal on tuesday night. We have finally cracked the tricky dance we've been learning for the past week (it's only taken 4 rehearsals!) and we all went to the pub to celebrate!
2. got to spend a couple of hours with my girls on tuesday afternoon while ex packed. OK so we spent that time sitting on the sofa watching TV because they were tired but it was nice to cuddle them all the same.
3. I'm helping a woman who's writing a book in which her main character has BPD. She posted on our forum a while back asking for help and I said I would. Nice to be helpful - and I'm glad she thought to ask for help so at least her character should be vaguely true to life. there's nothing I hate more than badly researched storylines. A few weeks ago in Casualty (UK programme), there was a girl who was clearly a bit of a sociopath...ended up electrocuting herself. that was fine - then they spoilt it by having one of the nurses say she was BPD.....there was no need for them to say that, they clearly just threw it in for no real reason.....grump grump

Anyway - that's me for this week. A lonely fat cow sitting at her kitchen table with literally nobody to talk to until I see my therapist tomorrow morning. :roll:

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And we're into July

Permanent Linkby isoko49 on Sun Jul 03, 2011 3:19 pm

My 3 good things from the last few days:

1. Realising that sometimes BPD is not the cause for every upsetting thing. I know I sounded enthusiastic with my new fella (now a definite EX) but there was always a part of me that felt something wasn't quite right....but I put it down to my BPD. It wasn't....it's the fact that he was rushing things so quickly and i just didn't fancy him at the end of the day! My skin crawls now at some of the things he was saying....sure we had a LOT in common but it didn't mean we were soul-mates/kindered spirits/fated to meet and spend the rest of our lives together.....which is what he thought. And people tell me I'm nuts! :roll: :lol: Sometimes when things feel wrong, it's not just me thinking it - it actually IS wrong!

2. My girls - at the moment they are playing in their bedroom but instead of talking normally, it's like a musical where they are singing all the time! Disney eat your heart out......

3. Getting a cuddle with my little niece who is only 4 months old. I don't particularly like or get on with my sister, but we all went up to visit her for our nephew's 4th birthday party yesterday. Thankfullly my dad gave us a lift because I wouldn't have had a clue where to go! While nephew was opening his mountain of presents ("more shoes mummy!") little niece fell asleep on my lap which was fine with me!

I'm hoping next week will be back to real life and I can get on with my new found independence.

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The weekend and start of the week....

Permanent Linkby isoko49 on Wed Jun 29, 2011 8:53 am

My 3 good things for the past few days:

1. Getting the girls overnight on Saturday where they ended up re-creating their favourite dance progamme from TV in the living room, along to the soundtrack to High School Musical. Mummy had to pretend to be the "talking" lady, using the remote for the telly as my microphone. My youngest proudly informed me she was doing a "hippety hop" dance (her take on hip hop) which involved a lot of twirling, skipping and rolling around on the floor. My eldest told me she was going to do a free-style dance which ended up very contemporary with lot of dramatic arm movements and some serious facial expressions.....priceless.

2. Spending the day yesterday with my new fella..... :D He knows I'm not a confident driver (apparently he was the same a few years ago) so he drove the 40 miles to pick me to to take me back to where he lives with his mum & dad (after his own marriage break up plus his dad has poor health). They were so lovely and I had a wonderfully relaxing day drinking cups of tea, chatting crafts with his mum in the conservatory....lovely! Plus the weirdest coincidence is that my sofa (which I got from a furniture project) is the exact same as the chairs they have in their living room - spooky!!

3. A great time at rehearsals - Sunday night and last night. We have been learning a fast and complicated song. Lots of dancing with canes and feathers and the like - very cheesey and fun. I even went along to the pub last night after the rehearsal - actually I was the one to say "pub anyone?"!! Only 2 of us but she's a lovely lady and is back on anti-depressants herself (she had post-natal depression with both her kids). I'm going to keep persevering with the pub because all the people who go are really nice and friendly. Plus I have to write a bit about the group for a charity that are giving us a grant to put on the show.....bl**dy facebook is great but it now means that they all know I am writing a book so of course I'm the perfect chioice to write the monthly blogs needed for the charity! I don't mind really - just trying to fit in the time..... :)

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23rd to 24th June

Permanent Linkby isoko49 on Fri Jun 24, 2011 5:53 pm

My 3 good things are a bit harder to come by today. I guess that's one of the many difficulties with BPD - unless you're feeling positive, it's hard to remember anything positive....but I'll give it a go.

1. I got to spend longer with my daughters yesterday and today. Nice for me but only because the youngest was sick (all over the back of my new car of course :roll: ) and the eldest spent half an hour crying at their dads because of some girls in her class upsetting her.....still not completely sorted because she didn't give the note to her teacher today. BUT I got time with them which was nice.

2. The new car is going well. Despite the sick......

3. Good session today with my psychologist. I've not seen her for at least 3 weeks due to her having training and holiday. She was really pleased to hear all my news (a lot has happened in the last week really!). We're getting to some tricky stuff though....but it just shows that it's difficult stuff I need to work through.

I know I'm feeling more down tonight because it's not my weekend for having the girls (other than Saturday overnight - but then they're asleep!) and I miss my new boyfriend too. Plus I'm being hard on myself for forgetting my regular Tuesday session with my youngest! I didn't write it in my diary so got carried away in the moment when setting up our next date and only just realised earlier. I am too hard on myself sometimes.....

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21st to 22nd June

Permanent Linkby isoko49 on Wed Jun 22, 2011 3:42 pm

My 3 good things:

1. Spending the morning with my little 3 year old daughter. I take her to the local library on a Tuesday morning for a story and song session. She is one of the oldest kids there, but she really loves going and I love taking her. It's great to see her confidence improving too - a month ago she wouldn't have wanted to go up the women running the group to ask for a puppet or instrument, not without pulling me up with her. Yesterday she wanted a puppet and just went up of her own accord to ask for it. I was so proud of her. I can't wait for the summer holidays to start so I get to spend 3 days a week with both my girls.

2. A 5+ hour lunch with my new partner (sounds weird saying that!). A lovely afternoon of lunch, talking, walking down the river in the pouring rain, then spending about 3 hours simply talking in the car. And a first kiss....there's nothing like a first kiss. Unfortunately he lives about 45 minutes away and he works shifts, so it will be next Tuesday before we can see each other again in person. Thank goodness for the internet and texting (I don't do talking on the phone - one of the things I would like to improve but I'm not beating myself up over it).

3. A fun rehearsal for a show in September. Bad Girls the Musical. Although I didn't know anyone in the group before April, we've become to be good friends. Most of them still don't know anything about my condition, but I'm very relaxed around everyone now and know that they would all be very supportive. I also managed to go along to the pub afterwards for a drink (non-alcoholic - I was driving) which is a big step for me. Only 4 of us there, but it was nice to spend some time with some of the cast I haven't chatted to much.

Now I'm going to knuckle down for the rest of the afternoon and try to write some more of my book.

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