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holmes102
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dealing with 13 year old not wanting to talk to her father

Permanent Linkby holmes102 on Fri Mar 30, 2012 6:15 am

13 year old daughter has made a recent decision to not speak to her father anymore. Even though this should make me happy because I do not like his life style or believe he has morals, I am torn. I too came from a screwed up childhood and do not want my daughter to feel "unwanted".

This decision was made this New Year's Eve when she came to me expressing her distress. She and I have a great relationship - we are very open with each other - even though we fight and butt heads - she trusts and talks to me about things in her life. My child is a good hearted, well natured and respectful 13 year old girl. She has set goals, possesses morals, and is kind, giving, caring, a protector of those who do not stand up for themselves, a leader not a follower and strong beliefs in being a good person inside and out. She came to me New Year's Eve saying she was uncomfortable going to her dad's house. This was a shock to me, because she has always wanted to go there, even though I do not like the fact that she is there, but I do not hold her away from him. Even though I do not like her father and do not agree with the life style or warped beliefs- I knew someday she would develop her own opinion of his way of life which is not responsible or a "stand up person". (I was young and did not recognize these things until after I had my daughter - he takes any quick way out, and abuses the US system for support - which his mother had him doing at a young age. Claiming to be legally blind for SSI to collect a check and working under the table - not paying taxes or having any investment into the future - until he wanted something big from the Government - then he decides to no longer be blind and get a job at 32 to look like a worthy citizen in the public's eye. This is what I mean by warped!) When I asked why - she told me his girlfriend (who they live together and have been together well before we broke up) told her that she smokes pot. My daughter did not ask her if she did, his girlfriend just decided to say "You know I smoke pot don't you?”

Now keep in consideration that I do not think smoking pot is a terrible thing, I do not judge people for what they do, just do not do it or bring it near my children. I was not a saint growing up - I actually had a really f'd childhood and only decided to better my life when I had my daughter. I had drugs addicts and alcoholism in my family and have done some wild irresponsible things in my past - but my daughter brought me back to reality and made me realize that I do not want her to see and have the same upbringing. Being said - I have told her no matter what the issue is she can always talk to me. I am here for her and will support her in any way possible, as I think a parent should do for their children.
When she told me about not wanting to go to her dad's house, I told her she needed to address her father about the issue. Not only does he need to let his girlfriend know she was out of line and wrong. If she knew his daughter and understood her she should have known by now his daughter does not think pot or any drug is cool. But instead of being supportive told that his girlfriend never said this - then proceeded to put his girlfriend on the phone. The girlfriend called my daughter a liar and said her "crazy mother is doing this". Now I could give a crap what these people think of me - I try to be a good person and support system for my children, but my daughter did not like this. Her father's concern was that I was putting her up to this and was going to call the cops or take him to court. Meanwhile I had promised my daughter that I would not do any of this but as long as she told him how she felt,

well now it is almost April and my daughter is still refusing to communicate with her father. She is upset, keeps saying it is the pot thing, but I think she is using this as a way of saying she is mad at how he betrayed her. She will not answer his calls, does not want t...

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