I saw my psychologist today.
Unlike my therapist, she's closely linked with my psychiatrist, so I had to continue the lies I told my psychiatrist. I felt a little guilty, especially when she congratulated me on being so honest lately, and for "coming clean" to my psychiatrist. It was a waste of a session really, as I had to convince her that everything's fine, rather than telling her how things are really going.
There was one useful thing we talked about. I tend to be very self-critical, and think negatively about how others see me. She asked me if there's anyone who usually responds to me kindly when I talk about what I'm thinking or feeling. I mentioned my best friend R. The psychologist suggested that when I find myself thinking negatively, to imagine what R would say to me in that situation. I think it could be helpful.
I sent R a text. I told her about what I'm now calling WWRS - What Would R Say. She replied, telling me that made her day, that she loves me and truly appreciates my friendship. She said I'm welcome at her house any time. I asked if this Thursday would be ok. She hasn't replied yet. I started thinking that maybe she didn't really mean what she said, and she doesn't want me to visit, but I'm telling myself that maybe she's just busy and hasn't had a chance to reply yet, maybe she's discussing it with her girlfriend first, or maybe this week just won't work but if it doesn't then it's not the end of the world and it doesn't mean she hates me and I'll see her another time. Positive self talk!