If I chose to, I could kill myself tonight. A huge part of me wants to, but there's that part of me saying, "Hold on a little longer. It's too soon."
I don't want to kill myself when my apartment is a mess. I don't want to kill myself until I write a new letter to everyone, because the letter I wrote already won't do. I don't want to kill myself before I see my psychiatrist again. I don't want to kill myself before I talk to my best friend.
I am hanging on, but it's literally by my fingertips.