I saw my therapist today. I get on so well with her, and I look forward to seeing her.

Anyway, I hinted at what I'm planning to do. I didn't say it outright, because I didn't want to put her in a position where she'd have to tell someone, but I think she has a good idea of what I have planned.

I told her I feel empty. She asked if that was bad. I told her it's very bad. She asked if it's worse than when I'm experiencing intense negative emotions. I told her it is, because while I don't act on impulse while feeling empty, I obsess over things and plan them, and they end up being more dangerous that way.

I told her I really appreciate everything she's done for me. She said "If you appreciated me, you'd try to keep yourself safe."
I replied, "I don't appreciate you that much."

She said I worry her. I asked if I frustrate her, and she said no.

Anyway, I got 8 more of the books I ordered today. Books about self injury, suicide and borderline personality disorder. I'm just waiting for 3 more to be delivered.