I stopped taking my lexapro (anti depressant) over a week ago. I don't really know why. I missed a day, simply because I forgot to take it, and felt ok, so thought I may as well continue not taking it. My psychiatrist would kill me if she found this out. I have a history of being non-compliant with my medication, either by not taking it or by overdosing on it and therefore running out too soon. She'd probably try to put me back on an injection if she knew. She's always going on about anti-psychotic injections. First of all, I don't think I need an anti-psychotic. Second of all, being injected with psych meds always feels somewhat degrading to me.
Anyway, I'm not sure if it's coincidence or not, but I've been feeling particularly awful the last couple of days. Physically, I keep getting headaches and feeling nauseous. Mentally, my anxiety levels are rising, which hasn't happened for a couple of months. I feel even more empty than usual, and have to push myself to do things that need to be done. The urges to self harm have increased. I'm not sleeping properly either. Whether this is because of withdrawal, because I might actually need to be taking an anti depressant, or just coincidence, I don't know.
I hate taking meds, but maybe I should start taking my lexapro again, just to see if it makes me feel better. I mean, it's only 1 tablet. Up until a couple of months ago, I was on a higher dose of lexapro, lyrica, seroquel, largactil, and the occasional xanax. I was taken off all of them except the lexapro when I was admitted to hospital, because my haemoglobin was so low, and they were afraid that the medication would put extra strain on my body, and my heart would just give out. When my haemoglobin went up, they talked about putting me back on the other medication, but I'd gotten over the withdrawals by then, and was actually feeling better with less medication, so it was decided that I'd just continue with the lexapro. Then a couple of weeks ago, my doctor found out that high doses of lexapro can damage your heart, so she reduced it.
Yes, I think I'll start the lexapro again. Even when I was taking it regularly, I was still feeling self destructive, still planning major acts of self harm, but I wasn't as anxious, and didn't feel so unmotivated. Here's hoping starting the lexapro again does actually make things better.