I crave real damage. Not necessarily cutting. I want to do something more serious than anything I've done before.
I need to prepare though, gather what I need. I get paid tomorrow, and I know exactly what I'm buying. Then I wait for delivery, maybe next week? And then see if I can go through with it without changing my mind.
I am excited and terrified all at once. I have told nobody what I am planning, except for some strangers on another forum, who know nothing about me. And even then, I didn't go into extreme detail.
Nobody around me has any idea what's going through my mind. There is such a huge difference between what I think and what I say. I lie and I manipulate. I play on people's emotions and expectations of me. I always knew my drama workshops would come in useful.