My best friend is moving country next year.
My psychiatrist is leaving next year.
My sister recently moved. I saw her last weekend, made me miss her more now she's gone.

Everyone leaves. They distance themselves either physically or emotionally.
Friends, family, mental health professionals.

Meeting K next weekend. I need him to define our relationship. I can't handle uncertainty.
But what if he hates me for asking? I don't know what I want from him, but I don't want him to reject me.

People keep telling me I'd be better off without him. But do I deserve better?
I don't hate myself. At least I don't think so. Hating takes too much energy.
I dislike myself. But not with any sort of passion. It's a passive dislike. Something I don't really think about.

Saw my therapist yesterday. Once I started talking to her, I didn't really want to stop. I left feeling sort of sad though. Sad because she's so nice, but I can't let her help me. Sad because no matter how much I explain things to her or anyone else, they never fully understand.