I can't cope.
I feel so desperate, yet also so empty.
I cannot picture my future. I've been saying for years that I'll be dead by 25, most likely having killed myself. That's a year and a half away, and I'm thinking that I will more than likely not be around then.
Death terrifies me, funnily enough. Yet somehow that doesn't stop me doing things that endanger my life, doesn't stop me fantasising about suicide.
Sometimes it feels like that's my only option.
I'm not motivated enough to "recover". Killing myself would be easier.