Since my last blog in the end of July a lot has changed. I am currently unmediated and have been so for the past two years and I have been slowly getting healthy and better again after finally giving in and applying for welfare and employment insurance and disability benefits I think I'm finally getting a gasp on my life. My daily routine is normal and except for the large amoun of time I spend sleeping I do not find the illness annoying other then the fact that I am Highly sensitive to seasons and the sun meanings my body doesn't like the sun rays and the cold and it's hard for me to spend time outside and get te amount of vitamin D I need. For that reAson I think I sleep a lot more, simply. I also suffer from minor but annoying allergies that can make my whole day miserable. I recently caugh a cold and I suffered through 5 days of absolutely horrible head pain it's like I had a brain cold. Obvblivious I did not even consider taking a medication to help my head ache, which is normally what people go to, but for me, swallowing anything sounds like the last thing I want to do. Hm what has big pharmacy done..?
I have experienced daily daydreaming , I read about malative daydreamjng, my doctors brushed that word off, she also brushed off the word delirium tremens, derealization and dissisiation. It's like she only the words schizophrenia ring a bell and only mood disorder comes up as a illness for me. My psychosis has caused me to take 2 steps back and take a god look at this so called life we are given, I see me, I see the eyes and a nose and mouth and they are all connected by my face and my face is perfect it is real. And I see reality and the truth and the equality behind the mask that we have been hiding behind for so long. The internet, the urly 90s and me. We grew up together and now here I am spilling my guts on the internet becAuse I'm thinking somehow it's gona help me like it did last time , who am I kidding lasts time I downward spiralled into a drug induced escorting binge and almost died. I have bad people trying to hurt me and good people trying to help me but I'm stuck on the sidelines and keep one to catch me to see me fall. Everyday I wonder, how will I become old? And I don't know how I will but picturing myself as an old gypsy kinda helps. Last words, I've only experienced voices or hallucinations at my house in *mod edit* Canada. Or on the site of universal studios , I'm the dAys inn Tampa bay and inside the chapel in the hostipal in zephrthills , my last attempt to cry my sanity would be that I could be experiencing something paranormal , like a mediumship power where I can omunicage with the dececed and predict the future. I was exposed to pageantism as a preeteen and have studied tarot for almost 9 years . I have Also a lot of drug abuse in my past and I would mix the occult and drugs together and recently started flipping the cards (winthin the past 3 years) and deliberately inviting the devil and te evil side to come and present himself to me. I was a strange child, and stranger adult. Welcome to my life.

On the 30th of July I've decided to reach out and i vouched to get help floor myself and help others. I'm not a doctors I am a client. An othee onocnt person for fighting for what i beleive in in my heart ia right to do. I am labeled and placed with a group of people and told to take thsees pills the rest of my life. No questions ask. If I comply I will be let go of my program and successfully complet 3 years of post physosis recovery. Year 3 is coming and I will be there. I will be a survivor, I will finally overcome my illness. And focus on my real issues. Drug abuse and bad hygiene and/or bad food, sleep and exercise is probably just a skill I've learned with the years. I will always be self-centenred, independently seeking knoledge of the real world my own way. My path and myself and my smokes ans drinks will always be done start and finish by meand only me. I'm a Taurus so don't cross me. Let it be. Let me live my life, I promise I'll try change, youre gona have to bribe me thought .