If I am ever doubting my alters again, I should just take Izumi shopping. We went to dollar tree to use our last spending money to get stickers for Izumi to decorate our journal. She flipped. She was kinda anxious but I think she's really happy. She can be kind of a perfectionist; things have to "feel" right to her. Yesterday we found a notebook in our house and we painted the cover with some glow in the dark fabric paint my sister happened to have. (We couldn't find any stickers or glitter .) But we feared the fabric paint was going to get crusty and so we wiped it off and ended up accidentally ripping the cover off the notebook. Izumi was visibly upset, so we got her a lot of stickers and a pack of crayons and she is really happy, but there is also a concerning nervousness beneath it all.

********trigger self-harm*****





(A) We will not self-harm
(S) Except in the way we self-harm.
(A) We will not cut into our flesh. That has already been done enough without our consent.
(S) But it was for medical purposes, to help us.
(A) It doesn't matter, they still cut into us. And we were a baby! We couldn't understand why, what medical reason, all we knew was pain. We were a baby! They cut our thumb off!
This is why we will not self harm.
*******end trigger*****

The below links to pictures of our thumb, so you may know what Akihiro is talking about. These pictures are not gruesome. They are current pictures of the successful results of surgery I had as a baby. Oh, and I'll put in a baby picture of the original thumb too.


http://25.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4edvx5QTz1rq7uouo5_1280.jpg
http://s693.photobucket.com/albums/vv299/zombie_kitten_1992/?action=view&current=ardenbaby0003.jpg

(Unknown 1)

Our T always asks us, "What would your alters do if they were allowed out fully?"

I don't ######6 know!
Why the ###$ would I know that? Because I'm the omnipresent god of my imaginary castle full of imaginary friends? Stop with the stupid ######6 questions!

"How is that for you?"

How is WHAT for me you ######6 @@@@@@@!? I would say, 'don't make me do all the talking' but when you talk you just confuse the hell out of me.


She doesn't know what the ###$ she's talking about. I highly doubt she's had any experience with DID.

(Ryu) You're going to be accused of being a woman-hater you know. For using the word "@@@@@@@."

(Kyo) There's no male equivalent to @@@@@@@.

(Ryu) Dick & cock.

(Kyo) Hardly! 'Dick' barely means "an annoying person" and "cock" well, I can't say that without laughing. "@@@@@@@" is like a punch in the gut! @@@@@@@ is insulting, like someone raping your mom.

(Natsumi) Oh my god >< I cannot believe I just heard that in my own head. I am so offended and insulted that I would even have that thought. Rape is nothing to make light of! You should be ashamed! Why...............

(Suzumi) I think you are a goddamn woman-hater.

(Akihiro) I am NOT a woman-hater! I'm just angry! You're the one who told me to express my feelings on this blog! You can't just edit and censor feelings or you're never going to get the release you crave so badly! We put a trigger warning! Besides I am not you and you are not me. I said "@@@@@@@" you didn't.

(Natsumi) It's so hard...

(Suzumi) Kyo thinks he's exempt from common decency. People will always misunderstand him, and you.

(Akihiro) And they won't get any better if we/they don't practice. How can you expect me to behave decently as the holder of your anger, rage, resentment? With no practice living in the world, an internal ball of emotion? You expect too much. Give it time.

Defending decency has turned us this way.

(Suzumi/Natsumi) But I love you...

(Akihiro) I know.