by depressionbeard on Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:31 pm
God, this is going on for a long time. I have never ever, ever felt this bad for this length of time. I am "monotonously up and down, like the head of an elephant in a state of melancholy madness".
Maybe I’m just weaker these days. The necessity to go on isn't as important to me as it once was. I don't mean that as in I’m going to do myself an injury. Just that its all sh1t. So sh1t. Why can't I just wallow all day on the sofa alone? Its the only thing that makes me feel good in a bad sort of way.
I can see myself being happy with nothing. My happy place is a little wooden house in the middle of a gigantic forest in Finland, hundreds of miles from any human being with all their expectations.
I would catch fish (not that I have ever done that before), pick berries and mushrooms amongst the flora and fauna. I could read all day, whittle implements from wood, meditate, talk to the trees, maybe write that novel I’ve always wanted to write, learn to play the guitar properly, grow my beard.
After a while Id have my own vegetable patch. I could make booze from potatoes. Eat carrots and get drunk.
What is wrong with that? Its my life after all. It has never felt right to me that in order to "live" we have to work to make money to consume. We go around and around and around in circles to pay for surviving when we could all survive quite happily without the talismans of everyday life. At least I know I could. Society has us convinced that such an extreme action is is just that: Extreme. A sign that there is something wrong because I don't want a fricken mortgage. I don't need a car. I don't need to follow the latest trends.
To reject society is to reject the acceptable realms of sanity. People would be concerned for my well being. In doing so they are trapping me in their world...In what they consider acceptable behaviour. Why though? Why are they right and I’m wrong?
I firmly believe a lot of my so called, "issues" are due to this blind adherence to societal norms. I have never agreed with their perspective, but I pretend I do. I carry around a variety of masks to change into depending on with whom I’m speaking with.
Want to know something? The truth is, I spurn you as I would spurn a rabid dog. (Not you personally. You’re ok. Im just talking about those other turds...You know the ones).
So, in closing, I would like to invite you to join me in my grand plan of escape. Of course you will need to get your own place, preferably at least 10 miles away from my place. We can see each other on weekends and get drunk on my potato booze if you can supply the fish. That can be our group therapy.
So, are you in or out?
Last edited by depressionbeard on Mon Dec 12, 2011 4:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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