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caughtinafray
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My life, my choice, and death is a part of it!

Permanent Linkby caughtinafray on Mon Nov 07, 2016 10:55 pm

This whole day has been boring as $#%^. Like every single other day. Except today I woke up at 5-something, got out of bed at 6, and then life-drainingly uneventful crap ensues. Don't exactly have it made economically (or in any sense at all), living in a 984 square foot, 116 year old, 1 bedroom w/ 3 residents, 1 bathroom dingy house with all sorts of problems: electrical, plumbing, propane (furnace heating), etcetera. There are millions worse off than that around the world, I know. But If I'm not home alone, I don't get a ######6 millisecond of time to myself, and I am a very solitude-appreciating person. SSI benefits are my only personal source of income right now, which is due to expire in a number of months, and I'm using it partially to pay some of the bills around here. Though it's only real purpose is a bit of financial support to help me get a job. Other than that, I'm left on my own. How the ###$ could I "just be happy?" What kind of happy-go-lucky person has no peers, no sign of light at the end of the tunnel, and is screwed over in a thousand ways with mental health problems? I would also say 'no romantic partner,' but with today's society the way it is, I suppose I could let that one slide.

And now, addressing the title of this entry. If I want to die, there is no reason for anyone to not stay the hell out of it! This isn't "ideation," that would be both senseless and prohibited. I don't know for sure if it'll come to that, I'm just saying that nobody else should have a say in it.

"All I do is complain. Why not change things already? I don't know what I'm supposed to do. Figure it out? I don't understand why I don't. There's things about me even I don't understand. There's no point in complaining. But I feel so stuck. But it does no good to complain. But I don't know what to do. But this, why that, do this, but that..........."

DX: Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, Bipolar type 2
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