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caughtinafray
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just complaining again.

Permanent Linkby caughtinafray on Fri Nov 25, 2016 9:09 pm

Nothing to see here, honestly.





I need to let go of my interest in the opposite sex. Spare myself the embarrassment. I can only shudder at the thought of me "approaching" women. No doubt I'd be overwhelmed by anxiety and get stuck in my own words. My brain would surely think of it as just the right time to slow its speech processing down almost to a stop anyway, cause that's just what happens. And BPD relationship problems... oh, don't even let me go there. I've had some devaluing thoughts about K, fortunately I'm not able to express them to her, or speak to her at all, but it seems a rather shiny red sign of BPD. I don't see any sensible reason for me to want to be so reliant on someone anyway, I mean it's just our nature as biological organisms, nothing more.

**TW**

They didn't pester me the day before. I was sitting there anticipating it - my dad came in and said "We've gotta leave in 10 minutes," he walked out, and I just bluntly said "I'm not going anywhere." A moment of silence, and he says "______ worked hard to cook this stuff," (The person my uncle lives with now, his wife died from cancer a few years ago), and I responded "Well you can go out and have a good time, I don't want it (To go there)." He came back in saying "I didn't hear you over the TV, what did you say?" I just said "nevermind." My brother didn't say anything during this process, and after a few minutes of 'packing up,' they left.

TW over. They were gone from about 11:30 to 3:30-ish. Those two, my uncle and the woman he lives with, they're very extroverted. My dad and brother are introverted like me, maybe not as much as me, but none of us want to be out for that long. Especially me, whenever we visit a relative, my brother and I exchange few words and I just kind of sit there bored. Just like........you know......school. He spends most of the time on his phone, I don't bother bringing mine because I have hardly any use for it. And lately it became veeeeerrryyyy slow on the internet for some reason.

This isn't who I want to be, it's who I'm left without choice to be.

DX: Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, Bipolar type 2
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Re: just complaining again.

Permanent Linkby caughtinafray on Fri Nov 25, 2016 9:11 pm

Oh. That big space didn't do it was intended to.

yeah.......
DX: Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, Bipolar type 2
caughtinafray
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Re: just complaining again.

Permanent Linkby Snaga on Sat Nov 26, 2016 1:31 am

So the holiday was relatively painless, then?
Last edited by Snaga on Sat Nov 26, 2016 1:32 am, edited 1 time in total.
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Snaga
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Re: just complaining again.

Permanent Linkby caughtinafray on Sat Nov 26, 2016 3:22 pm

'Twas but a scratch.
DX: Asperger Syndrome, ADHD, Bipolar type 2
caughtinafray
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