This has been on my mind all the time as of late. Am I executing it well... not really, but I sincerely believe that as a product of all this anguish, I've become a little bit stronger. Even at this moment, dealing with a lingering sense of anxiety and feeling rather distraught, I'm not closing down. Only months ago, I'm pretty sure I would have called it quits in a state like this, but after many repeated relapses, I'm leaning toward "I don't want that." I always lose the intent, and yes, it returns, and it fades again, and it returns again... but I've allowed it to persist for too long, so I'm reaching for what I really want.

It's still hard as all hell and in fact, I'm back in that process of enduring a severe emotional collapse every night, but it won't sway me. It's really just a damn lie is all. I can ramble on to myself with all the familiar sayings of how living isn't worth it, but that's not what I'm here for, is it?