I've never blogged before, but I guess I could give this a shot. Here's what's led me up to where I am now...

My early childhood memories are very sparse and broken, but I'll recall what I can. At a very young age, my parents found that I had autism, Asperger's to be specific. I would later come to be diagnosed as AD-HD and Bipolar 1 as well. My brother, who is 2 years older than me (Almost the same birthday, but different years), is somewhere on the autism-spectrum as well, but doubtfully to the same degree as me. My grandfather had a career in engineering, and my mother gave birth to me at the semi-late age of 33. I've found that these are, interestingly, potential risk factors for developing autism. My father fell into serious depression at that time, possibly because he blames himself for passing these genetics down to me, but I don't know for sure. My parents ended up divorcing when my brother and I were only nearly 4 and 6. For the next ~14 years, I was raised by a single mother. We used to live in an apartment complex where I would hang out with other kids from time to time, and while things seemed fairly alright, It wasn't long before I had feelings of being different. My mother did all sorts of research about autism, and put me in a program for children with developmental disabilities. This only seemed to make me feel even more out of place, as the other kids were low-functioning, and I wasn't. As time progressed, isolation began to creep up on me. I started distancing myself from my peers, whom I never was too involved with. By Junior-high, those relationships were gone. I considered myself too "weird" and socially awkward to be involved. I slipped into a state of depression that I still haven't truly pulled out of. Going to school, where almost everyone around me was socializing with each other felt like being alone on the other side of a one-way window, where I could see them, but nobody saw me. All I really did outside of school was sit around at home, taking up PC gaming, because I had either no desire, or opportunity to do anything beyond the house.

Today, about a year and a half from graduating high school, I'm still at a loss. My communication abilities are critically impaired, I can never stay focused, my emotions are everywhere, the list goes on, and I just don't know how I could do anything in life. How can I even hold up a job when my executive functioning is abysmal? I am doing my best to stay positive, even when my mood swings into "just give up on it all." I wouldn't request anyone's advice in this blog, but as a statement, I need answers more than anything else right now.