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Histrionic psychonautics (1) by coneyislandking on Sun Apr 13, 2014 5:28 pm
I got high the night I originally said I would begin these reports, but it was another bad trip. I remember my memory glitching out, and me just saying, very starkly "It's happening again".

It was not nearly as uncomfortable as the first trip, however. I thought I had trouble sleeping because my tongue wouldn't listen to me when I told it to stop moving and making my mouth dry. It was like I thought my tongue was independent of me.

But I think I got more sleep than I thought I did, I just couldn't remember sleeping, so I would assume it hadn't happened. I once woke up 5 hours after I had last checked the time and believed I'd been laying in bed that whole time.

The next day I was still having a lot of dissociative effects. I had a meeting with my success coach and at one point my memory glitched again. I was still able to contribute to the conversation but the feeling made me feel panicked so I left, though I later found the meeting would have only been between 8 and 13 minutes. I felt like I had been in a trance for like 20 minutes.

I think I am more prone to having bad trips when I smoke with someone I don't genuinely trust, even if I act like we're best friends. I smoked with a hot guy before this and did perfectly fine, and then the next day I got stoned with my legit best friend and it was super fun. We watched a documentary about the dark secret lives of celebrities. It talked about the illuminati and satanism and stuff. It was perfect for our states of mind.

Yesterday I smoked for a bit with my friend and then when she left I went to my car to smoke another bowl by myself. I took one hit and it was so strong I knew I was gone. I then went up to the third floor of my building, and that's where my crush lives. Sometimes when I'm high, I forget to call the elevator and end up waiting a long time until I realize I didn't push the button. So I took advantage of this awareness in me and sat down across the room from the elevator. I was hoping he'd come out and ask me what I was doing, and I'd say waiting for the elevator. He'd be like "You didn't push the button" and I'd be like "What" and he'd realize I'm high and I'd entertain him.

He never came out, but it was when I was sitting there that I realized I was fxcking gone. I then went to the elevator and got on it. I felt like it was stopping on every floor.

I then went to my room for a bit and took some notes on what helps me have a good trip like this one.

With reality, all that matters is that something happens. The first time I smoked, I felt the dissociation and feared my behavior would be very bad. But now I've realized my mind is just slowed down. For the most part, I will react to things the same way I would when sober. The thoughts I think when high are the same things I consider when sober, and I still usually choose the same things.

I also made a really interesting system of memory assessment, to gauge the processes of repression and dissociation and trauma.

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Honesty is Not Such a Nice Friend by tmc115 on Thu Aug 17, 2017 8:40 pm
Lately I’ve been working on being more open about my problems.

I mention how I feel bad, not being able to make small talk. That I understand how it looks to people on the outside, that I’m just stuck-up, mea...

[ Continued ]

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Who's the Real Victim Here? by tmc115 on Wed Aug 16, 2017 9:56 pm
Both my mom and her brother have emotional/anger issues. Both are prone to screaming and flying off the handles for little things, but you never know what will set them off. Most of the time they are unfazed...

[ Continued ]

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Introducing myself by Uyucha on Wed Aug 16, 2017 7:24 pm
Hello everyone. My name is Uyucha and I registered in order to chat with people about mental illnesses. No matter which.

For myself, I suffer from very strong DP/DR and maybe a DID but I have no diagnosis...

[ Continued ]

0 Comments Viewed 126 times
Inside out by ringkichard0811 on Tue Aug 15, 2017 7:22 am
So much has changed over the last couple months. A and the rest of us are going to AA, willingly. We have a sponsor. We haven't been sober long but the more we get to know ourselves the better we feel....

[ Continued ]

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Pets by tmc115 on Mon Aug 14, 2017 2:41 am
I found a picture book I did in 1st grade. I drew my mom in bed with a headache. I needed to make my breakfast by myself.
I didn’t remember that book. But I cried when I read it. I may have embellished t...

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2 Comments Viewed 600 times
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Re: Honesty is Not Such a Nice Friend by Snaga on Fri Aug 18, 2017 5:56 pm
And yet you converse so well, here... not the same thing I know- I find this a lot easier and I suspect most people do- but still... if only there were a way of taking this and applying it to the verbal...

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Re: Pets by tmc115 on Wed Aug 16, 2017 8:36 pm
Yeah that's what she called them. Some 'How to Discipline Your Child' for new parents sort of thing. They taught her to do time-outs. I remember time-outs. I never had a problem doing them. I have no memories...

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Re: Yahoo by MotherHorseEyes on Wed Aug 16, 2017 10:05 am
I forgot I wrote this I must've been having a bad time. I made some typos that completely changes the context of a couple sentences.

What do you relate to?

Re: my groupings by Johnny-Jack on Wed Aug 16, 2017 3:47 am
Sexually oriented: Gaul
Physical abuse: Ulrich
Social skills: Cal
Suicidal thoughts: Jonathan
Not quite human: Xavi (tornado)
Calmers: Cal

New categories:
Core: Adam, (Jack has "core-like" characteristics)...

[ Continued ]

Re: Pets by Snaga on Mon Aug 14, 2017 3:32 am
Special classes?

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