Well, it is 3.5 hours later since I sent the last message. I don't know. I assume this is rejection, but maybe I shouldn't. I am not feeling too bad about it. I mean, I am proud of myself for trying, and who knows, maybe her phone died or something.

It still isn't even read, so that means she is either ignoring it because she saw the message and doesn't want it to be marked as read(or just hasn't opened it yet) or she just hasn't seen it.

Even though my mind wants to jump to the conclusion that she is mad or something similar and doesn't want to open it or mark it as read, I can realize that that seems a bit unlikely, maybe 50-50 chance.

Still, things happen. People get busy, their phones die. I don't know.

Anyway, I feel exhausted. It feels like I have run really hard or something. There are few time I have felt like this in my life, like real physical exhaustion. Not getting tired of physical movement mentally or muscularly, but like your entire lungs and heart and everything. Maybe there should be a workout for us (or maybe just me), talk to a girl on facebook, that's cardio for the week.

I'm feeling pretty calm right now, though considering. I did take some aniracetam, about 2.7g (4x my normal dose, but I hear the anti-anxiety gets better at higher doses and memory/cognition gets worse maybe), and I think that may kinda be it, but I think I am going to claim the credit for myself. 2/3 missions accomplished, even if the last falls though.

I don't imagine she would leave me hanging, not knowing yes or no. She tends to be very forward, so that would be uncharacteristic of her. Still, I hope she doesn't think she has to protect me or anything. I don't think she would think that, I mean, she has done it before... but not in this way. I would think that if she was going to reject me, she would just kinda say something like "I don't know, I am really busy lately". Unless she thinks I wouldn't get it.... but.... I don't know. I think she would think I would understand it because she has done it before at a time when I was evading being around her and being a real... me. Difficult to explain the actual situation. Difficult to think about this, really. It feels so circular. I don't really know what the answer is, so I feel like there isn't much point in circulating it in my mind, although I am still going to do it to an extent.