So, the courses started this Monday and I still haven't even set foot in school. I haven't checked up what courses to take or how to apply for them. My motivation seems to have run out completely. I sleep all day and stay up at night. I hardly eat or do other "necessary" things. I'm a bit stressed because I _know_ that I will have to make up for this time soon, but I still can't make myself care too much. Going to school seems so pointless. I don't want to do it, but I have to to get a job. I don't want to work either, but I'll have to do that to live. The problem is that I'm not very interested in that either...

I have no reasons to live and only two reasons not to die. Both of them are centred on other people. How long can you go on doing something you don't like solely for someone else? (A long, long time it seems.)

My life feels so automatic. There are no desires, only obligations. You do what people do and another day goes by. 25 years go by.

I don't believe that there is a God or a meaning to life. If you want a meaning you have to make it up yourself, and any meaning is as good as another. Living for the sake of not dying is a pretty weak one, but I can't seem to find any other. It's not going to be enough in the long run.