For four weeks this summer I work as a receptionist at a funeral home. I keep coming back year after year since they keep asking me back. Every time I work here I'm reminded of just how ill suited I am for the service industry... but that was not what I meant to write about.

Sometimes it's a lot of work. And sometimes it's a _lot_ of downtime. So I read and browse the internet. I browse this forum and I get these impulses to respond so I formulate answers, sometimes I even write them down, but I generally don't post. It's a vague feeling of "what's the point?" that often stops me, I think.

And of course also the simple fact that I can never come up with anything to ask back. I don't generally carry conversations well since I only answer, never ask.

I'm getting a bit tired of living a life completely devoid of motivation. It might be nice to _want_ something some times. Instead I've got this unspecified, sucking hole in my chest leaving me feeling empty and lacking... something.

And why should I post this? What is the point? It feels a bit like sending a message in a bottle, but out into space.