Our partner


There is no point to these blogs. I just have to get it out of my head. Read if you like. Don't expect it to make sense though.
Twentyseven
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I don't know

Permanent Linkby Twentyseven on Sun Aug 14, 2011 12:48 am

I came here because I read something that described me very well. Still, I don't know if I'm making it up or not. I have always liked things that deviate, and a personality disorder would fit that description. But still... My grandmother is in the hospital and I feel nothing. I didn't just imagine that I have trouble connecting.

I have no goals in life and I can't remember a time when I ever had that. I'm just following the stream. I have no motivations, few opinions, no friends, not many feelings except for occasional anger. I used to be different. Nothing radical, but at least I had hobbies... and depression.

However empty I may feel now I think this recent insight has been very good for me. I used to do all the things people do because of "what would I do otherwise?" and "that's just what you do, isn't it?". As I said, following the stream. I didn't really enjoy it, but I never even reflected over the fact that everyone else seemingly did. Two years ago I felt so lonely that I thought I was going to kill myself if it didn't stop. But I didn't want to be with people. I wanted to be wanted and liked, but the times that I was actually invited I didn't want to come. Not because of fear or anxiety (though I've had a moderate amount of that in the past), but rather because I'd been there before and knew that it bored me. It is better now because I'm starting to understand who I am.

I don't know where I was going with this... just clearing my head perhaps.
Sleep would be nice.

Okay, so, ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, okay?
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Re: I don't know

Permanent Linkby Platypus on Tue Aug 16, 2011 7:51 am

Hey Twentyseven,
I just wanted to tell you that you're not alone. A lot of the people here are in the process of figuring themselves out. (I am!)

I hope your understanding continues to grow. Don't worry about whether you're 'making it up' about the personality disorder - I think it's something most people who self-diagnose feel at some point. There are obviously real issues that are affecting you, so work on them.

When you reach an understanding, whether you were wrong or right won't really matter. :wink:
No diagnosis, lots of opinions, and a bunch of issues that I haven't quite figured out.
Platypus
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Re: I don't know

Permanent Linkby Twentyseven on Wed Aug 17, 2011 7:19 am

Thank you.
I don't actually care too much about the validity of my self diagnosis in terms of exactly what is wrong. It fits well enough to be helpful.
I am a bit more concerned that I could be deceiving myself into thinking things are worse than they are. I mean, it's not like I've gone through any radical changes lately. It is hard to accept that I have been so blind as not to notice this earlier (though, of course, I have. somewhat... I don't know). The more I think about these things the more I notice that, for someone who thinks a lot about their own actions and thoughts, I don't know myself very well at all.

Didn't mean to ramble on.
Okay, so, ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, okay?
Twentyseven
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Posts: 136
Joined: Mon Jul 04, 2011 4:51 am
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