I've come to terms with my other part. I know we are not the same. Why? Because we think differently.
Remo was born out of neglect. He is strong, smart and always looking forward. Unlike me, who is always looking backwards. Melancholy versus Nostalgia, two sides of the same coin.
In this chapter, the book talked about the different type of memories there are.
It asks me to list all the triggers I overreact to.
I overreact to many things, now that I think of it.
Like when I feel I am being taken for a fool. I feel it by the way they talk, even if they are not doing it on purpose.
I overreact when someone is threatening me, basically. I let out a nasty part of me that will deny everything to hell.
I overreact when things are not planned. This means that what I couldn't see and it's a surprise, I react badly.
Sensory-wise, I get triggered with loud noises and whispers alike. I need things to be constant and "safe". Then there are nice triggers like chocolate.
I also overreact with things that are out of order, out of balance, that threaten my safety.
To dogs, to water..
-What are the triggers that made you overreact?
Well, mostly the threatening ones like me thinking people are taking me for a fool or not believing in my words.
-What kind of sounds are likely to trigger your reactions or memories? Do you overreact to loud noises?
Loud noises can trigger my anxiety. Cluttered murmurs, background noise triggers too. They have to be loud enough to disrupt my thought process though. I get hyperfocused on finding the source of the sound.
-What kinds of smells trigger your reactions? Do you find yourself starting to have difficulty concentrating due to these scents?
Sweat triggers, definitely. I guess any wet smell makes me uncomfortable and irritable. I need things to be neat and clean.
-Are there certain ways that people can touch you that make you react? Are there places on your body that trigger? Do you feel like you would explode if they did? What happens when someone you love touches you sexually, does it trigger strong emotions?
To be completely honest, I do not like people touching me at ALL. I only let them touch me if it's extremely necessary like a hug to a friend or something. I can't let people touch my bad because I jolt. My back is my blindspot.
About my lover, I do feel nervous and overencumbered just by the thought of it. I am still a virgin, but the thought of sex is hard for me, even if I want to connect with that person myself.
-Are there any tastes that can affect your reaction?
If there are, I'm not aware of it. I eat anything and everything.
-What kind of visual imagery triggers?
Watching happy families usually makes me cringe. I become sappy and frustrated, I think, I can't really remember.
Things that have to do with family does this to me.
A man being affectionate toward a child raises fear on me, my fear for the kid. I start thinking he might be in danger but I can't resolve anything.
Big beasts trigger me. I can't be near one.
-Are there times where you have had people ask you what is wrong because you were acting abnormally? Why were you acting that way in those situations?
It's not like I wish those things to happen, you know. I snap out of the blue. I change so quickly they don't understand.
I am justified to react, but what I react to is minute to how I react to it. I get extremely frustrated.
-Identify what these triggers remind you of.
Well, the beasts remind me of the dog that almost killed me. No rocket-science there.
The man with the kid reminds me of that day when I was 8. At least I think I was.
The happy family reminds me of neglect. The neglect I suffered and how I was born (Remo).
The confrontation and people taking me for a fool and not believing me reminds me of the neglect too.