WARNING: This post is very long, but it’s because I am in need of urgent help. Scroll down and you will see.
I apologize if all this is too long or not written clearly or in chronological order so it could sound better, or if any of this posted might be harmful or against the rules in any kind of way. If it is, I will gladly take it off and rewrite it. I do not want to cause any trouble.
This is my first time on this website. I am here because I feel I am in desperate need of help. I won't reveal my name on here so that I can protect my privacy, but I will explain that I am turning 16 and I have been a junior in high school for three full weeks.
Yesterday when I got back from school I had a rude awakening about my life, and I instantly could not stop crying this time (I usually cry a lot but I stop eventually) I was able to pull myself together, but this was life threatening, so I had to hold back the tears so that I could focus on my homework and my mother wouldn't see them. I was crying because I figured it was too late for me...that I could not be successful in life because of what I am about to explain soon. This year has been different for me than all the other years. I have learned to mature, but I think I've wasted my life and it's too late for my mental health to thrive. I am saying tis because since I am a junior, I have to focus on what I want to be in the future and I'd have to deal with a lot of crud. I don't think I can carry this out. I could have, but what I did ruined it.
I do not tell anybody about these little problems I have (I sometimes don't even call them problems, I call them consequences because I feel they are my fault, and I get even more depressed.). One reason is because I am embarrassed to even talk about them out loud, another reason is because I do not like to rant out my problems to anyone (Not to my mother, not to my father, not to my new friends I have this year, not my teachers. I was planning to tell all my problems to my therapist who I've had for quite a while, but I could not wait until next Monday, which is three days away, and I don't want to be a burden) I think this website might help.
I could go on forever with this, but I will start now. This might be a little scary and embarrassing for me to write about, but I will try my best. All my life, I've lived in this little fantasy world. Ever since I was a baby I've been more than obsessed with cartoon characters. I know this will sound strange, weird, and crazy, and I can definitely admit that it is, but I could not help it. They were the only things that actually made me happy. That's why.
I didn't realize it would threaten my life until now. This is a serious obsession.
I know I am crazy, weird, a psychopath, strange, I know. I always feel so bad about being obsessed with these things, but like I said, I couldn't help it. This is why I never reveal any of this stuff outside my imagination, because if I do, it's embarrassing, and I look at myself differently. But I am a nice person at heart, and mostly mature.
I don't remember much from when I was under the age of four, but based on what my mother said about me, I was a late speaker, and did not have any contact with any of the other children, I would always talk about things that weren't real, and always arranged my toys in some kind of weird order. Yes, these may be symptoms of autism. Autism was another era of my mental life. I could never tell for sure if I had it. Last year (My sophomore year) I wondered if I had a mental disorder because of my crazy thoughts. I was not only desperate to know if I had one, I wanted to be labeled as one. I never knew why, but now that I'm in my junior year and I'm kind of smarter, I probably wanted to label myself because I always have wanted to label myself as something. I wanted others to see me as a person with a mental disorder, presumably autism, and since based on what I read in my mind I could tell they were not normal and kind of predicted t...

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