IT seems we only begin classify MH issues as a disorder with they interfere with our regular daily duties, work, health, relationships, parenting (if our children are lucky enough that someone notices we are screaming at them all the time).

But isn't ignoring our MH issues, keeping them to the side to accomplish our task-driven lives a disorder?

From the outside, it has been remarked, that I have the perfect life. I have a great job, great kids, a wonderful husband. The picture perfect life. Yet, if you look inside me, the person that apparently has this life, I am disordered. But am I not disordered because I am able to pretend that all of "me" is irrelevant, and that as long as I accomplish I am ok? Turns out these accomplishments are about as fulfilling as a donut hole.

I am disordered. I'll only talk about one thing, my gender. I don't know if I am male for female. Sometimes I think both, sometimes I think femalesness is just a product of society and wanting someone somewhere to like me and to fit in and be accepted. Sometimes I think I have alters, a male a female, a child, a preteen girl who talks to much and who I hate. Sometimes I think I must be normal, just making this all up. "DID is for people with real problems". well who changed it from MPD to DID anyways, why do we have to be so fragmented and dissociate to be disordered? I can tell you feeling like you have multiple selves is not normal, is intrusive and creates a lot of inner problems like anxiety, depression and SH. I detach, I dissociate, I most days hate myself, and often I'd rather not be here as me, and the only things that keep me alive are my kids and my desire to see how the world ends up. What we discover, what humanity can do, accomplish. What we as humans can be. My faith is in humanity, my kids and the rest of the world.

But when I focus on my work, my family my obligations, helping out others, I can be functional, and successful. Mostly because I am completely ignoring me and my inner struggles and focusing my time and energy on tasks. But that outside view of success is in fact my disorder.

Sam