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Rosee
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Posts: 79
Joined: Sat Mar 10, 2012 6:27 pm
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- April 2012
The Ramblings Of A Rose - I can do this!
   Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:05 pm
The Ramblings Of A Rose - I created this!
   Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:01 pm

+ March 2012
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The Ramblings Of A Rose - I can do this!

Permanent Linkby Rosee on Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:05 pm

I don’t want to be treated for DID. I have already done most of the work on that myself. ‘We’ get along just fine - most of the time. I only want some support when I am growing overanxious with depressive thoughts and sometimes suicidal thoughts. The fear that I’m going to die can become overwhelming. I don’t want the people I care about to see me like that. I don’t want to be in hospital but I do feel the need to go somewhere safe where there are people around who know what is going on and are ready to help me if I can’t help myself.

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The Ramblings Of A Rose - I created this!

Permanent Linkby Rosee on Tue Apr 24, 2012 1:01 pm

DID youtube - The misconceptions about MPD or DID
Just watched this. I think she explains it quite well.
192 videos from this person

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jwHRiEn4VRs&list=UUYvapODtEaR0pzWK6g7qEjQ&feature=plcp


Wanted to add this after watching some of those vidoes.

No doctor created this in me. I never even spoke to a doctor about this until three or four years ago. I created this be it unconsciously. I created this as a way to deal with stress, pressure and fear. I acknowledge that it is quite simply how I perceive myself. It’s not important whether it is recognised as a disorder or not. I don’t see it as a disorder. I see it as simply who I am; the result of a less than nurturing upbringing and the fact that I was probably a very sensitive child.

DID didn’t break me it helped me. The thing that broke me and caused the depression and anxiety and most likely PTSD was ignorance and a lack of information - and fear.

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Ramblings Of A Rose - I’m Doing Okay

Permanent Linkby Rosee on Mon Mar 26, 2012 7:45 am

Looking back, I get quite sad at the lost time, and still struggle from time to time to come to terms with it - for example, when my kids were younger. My psych-doc asked me once to do a timeline and it threw me into a depression. Today, I live a much more sedate, simple life, so I don't experience much lost time, and there is 'memory-sharing', and often some guess work involved. The main thing is that it doesn't freak me out anymore and that helps when it comes to filling in the blanks.

For ten years I was treated for severe depression. Given my childhood history and my father's suicide when I was 19, doctors were happy to diagnoses severe depression and throw anti-depressants at me. I let this go on because I was afraid that I was going mad and that I might lose my children. The next ten years things were starting to be taken a bit more seriously given my psych history.

In the meantime I had always been a great reader and I read everything I could get my hands on that seemed anything close to what I was dealing with. Before home computers and the world wide web, I was standing in a book store once and my hubby asked me what I was looking for and I said, "I don't know but I'll know when I find it."

Knowing something was going on and finding the words to describe it was difficult. It was almost like I had to create a new language to explain what I was dealing with.

As for therapy. I talked with psych-docs on and off for almost ten years before anyone came close to understanding what I was going on about. Hospital stays were the most productive, feeling safe to open up was helpful. My children were getting older so that lifted a lot of the pressure and stress I was feeling about keeping my secret. I was also getting older - and braver - and a little pissed off that no one had figured this out yet.

Then almost six years ago, I was feeling really bad and went to my doctor for some anti depressants. I had been med free for some time. He suggested I go for reassessment as I hadn't spoken to a psych-doc since the mid-nineties. I talked with a psych-doc on the NHS on and off for about three years when she said she would like to refer me to a psychologist. I saw him a few times and he diagnosed DID just like that! After all those years of struggle.

Of course it's with hindsight that I realise how well I actually coped and reading about other people's struggle with DID. My struggle was down to ignorance and lack of information. Today, it all comes together and I'm doing okay.

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The Ramblings Of A Rose - I did it for my kids

Permanent Linkby Rosee on Tue Mar 20, 2012 4:15 am

Today, I find the more anxious I am the more anxious inners get. I work on relaxation and staying calm. The more healthy ones continually validate and reassure the others.

At my very worst I was married with 3 young children. I think the concern for my children forced me to work things out in a firm positive way. Inners used to hurt and threaten me until I got so worried about my children and so pissed of at always being afraid I found the courage to fight back. I told inners that if they didn’t take better care of my children while they were out I would kill myself and save them the trouble. It wasn’t an overnight cure but things did get easier to deal with and I felt more in control of things.

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The Ramblings Of A Rose - DID & Writers

Permanent Linkby Rosee on Sun Mar 18, 2012 11:35 pm

I’ve read loads of books and loads of writer’s biographies. I often imagine if anyone could understand DID a writer could. I have often read about how the characters take over the story and practically write it themselves. I wonder how easy writers ‘let go’ of their characters, even kill them off, when the book is finished. If I knew any writers I would ask them.

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