I watched a TV show in the 60's; I think it was a British show; I guy with blond hair about 50; He was surrounded by tools; art tools and things; cream colored desks and tables to lay out projects.
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Taking action;
Ive rarely talking about this; taking action.
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Taking action.
I have a desire; So; I create in my mind what it would look like to take action; I have this idea; I want to go to the park. I then say; why? I want to sit at the bench; so a new set of thoughts shows up of me sitting at the bench. Next; a thought of looking at that ducks. next Id like to ride my bike around the park; so I ride my bike around the park in one of my visualizations. I then decide its time to go home. And its all in my head; I never left my apartment; and thats the problem.
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In my mind; I create a visual first of what I want to do; but I stay in my head. and then adjoining thoughts join the group of throughs after I suggest doing something in the real world; the action never gets taken; it gets turned into a thought and I visualize that thought; and other thoughts join it. By the time Im done; Ive lived out 100 thoughts in my head. Ive answered a thought with a question; and then a question in my head with a thought; and Ive called that living. And so; I can sit in my apparent all day long talking to myself and other people I've created in my head; talking to them and answering them and never leaving my mind. It kept me safe and in a dysfunctional environment; I lived in a dissociative state with all my needs getting met in my head. At one point it got so bad I was answering phone calls in my head and breaking appointments in my head; and in reality; never touched a real phone or talked to someone; but I thought I did.
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Heres the point; I want to change; I want to make a desire and take action. My mind is a dysfunctional thought. So; this is my next step; scary stuff. Just talking about doing this scares me; to take action on a desire; this scares me.
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Dissociative disorder being addressed:
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Im having success beating dissociative disorder. 5 1/2 years ago; I started studying success based thinking; the thinking processes of the extremely rich; those with Billions of dollars; its starting to pay off. not with money; not yet; well; maybe.
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Today in a meeting was the first. I began to wake up. Im been pushing it for some years. I write stories as ive already experienced them. How long does it take to see effects as Im suggesting; severe years of work for me. Ive written thousands of stories and affirmations; thousands. The stories are basic and small; and if you see my writing; it looks like fast gibberish. I write like this on paper for several reasons; it gets the general point across and no one knows what Im writing; its always better who slow down and write precise words for their in-depth feeling to the story and the control of the direction to the story; However, innately, I had this feeling that if I just kept at it; I would surface on my own with Gods help; and thats whats happening and its happening today; and its without anyone one from the past; regardless of being completely thrown away when young; My long suffering is slowly lowering; the intensity; its slowly going away.... Its not gone by any means; However, its going away.
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Im writing about my Asian soulmate; Im writing different stories; stories of being with her for one year; as if Ive been with her for one year; stories concerning 12 things we've done together. I imagine my pen is a phone. I left it up to my ear and listen; and I imagine a friend is telling me he saw us together and how great we looked together. And I write stuff like this all the time; everyday; with the hopes and desire and effort that the universe has to change me and make me ready for my Asian soulmate; and that is happening.
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Asian soulmate.
I do attract women when Im working on my Asian soulmate...
[ Continued ]