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OMNICELL
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Blog 51 Moving forward

Permanent Linkby OMNICELL on Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:22 am

Still a bit shaky, better then a few days ago.

SLowly moving forward

Art creation is picking up; drums are moving into a beginning-advanced stage of exploration. Drum technique is of the professional nature. Im at the beginning of this stage. This aint bad for a guy who didn't know who he was a few years ago.. Piano and song writing is slowly heading forward. Compositions through computer software is challenging. Im up for this challenge. Im slowly heading forward as I experiment with musical ideas.

Art creation is extremely important to my mental health. First, it creates goals. I keep my mind on goals and not on unhealthy anxieties. Secondly, Im outside away from the apartment. Thus, isolation is halted.
I like to go to church!. I play and practice drums on off hours at my church. Also, I practice the piano and create my songs. I get to beat the $#%^ out of things creatively, this lets out tension. Also, Singing allows tension build up to be released through vocal exercises and yell/singing to my death punk metal piano pieces. Creative expression works both sides of the body; Right arms, left arms, right leg, left leg, this is a very healthy thing. My imagination is worked, and I accomplish the finishing of a creation. creating is good for a person.

Assassination or acceptance, that depends on how well I write my electronic letters.
As I wake up, spelling and grammar are becoming more important. I have Grammar sites for study. I am dyslexic so spelling is up to the spell checker.
I will have to learn how to write again. Iv'e been mentally gone for so many years that I did not spend anytime at a computer for writing. Im now waking up to this interesting situation.

People/
The internet:
Reaching out to people has been the focal point of interest. Lately Ive attempted connection in the real world. Its been ######6 scary as hell. Im doing it. Im finding that Im not getting rejected. Yet, I have no development dealing with people. Im afraid my immaturity is going to cause human connection trouble for some time. However, its all about practice at this point. People come and people go. I will continue to work on my presentation as a caring person. ITs not as easy as it looks when dealing with people. Im slowly learning the art of listening and communication through trial and error.

People in person:
Dealing with people face to face is less fearful. Dissociative disorder is still alive and well. And, Im not giving my power away like I used to. Im learning to keep my neediness for God. The less needy I am around people, the less power they have over me. Its not easy. Its all work.
I don't like being judged by people; I stay away from judgers. Unless I feel someone is genuine and has my interests at heart, I refrain from association. However,I feel safe around kind understanding people. I hate backstabbers. Even more, I hate gamers ruining my life . Im a simple person, I like and appreciate authentic decent kind people.

Its attraction not promotion

As I throw myself out into the world I gain experience,I gain wisdom,I get beat-up. Im not alone anymore.


What is mental stability?

Im less Afraid now. \Just a little bit less afraid.

--------------------------------------------

Went walking around tonight. Im still sick.. all my life with this condition. Its everywhere in me. Im lucky to be alive. Acceptance is the key... Growing up didn't turn out how I planned . I didn't know my family was the SS Third Reich. Time to let go and let God.

Writing these blogs has been very therapeutic in my later recovery process.
Last edited by OMNICELL on Sat Apr 14, 2012 2:54 pm, edited 5 times in total.

Dissociative Disorder
CPTSD
Social avoidance
Evolution didn't stop my death, God did .....Now what?
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