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NicS
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Whores, instincts, Google and Urges by C.Nic. RANT ON SEX.

Permanent Linkby NicS on Sun Dec 04, 2011 8:17 am

TK and I, (we mentioned this in our last post), that we are big-time subscribers to the ideology of Animalism, or the doctrine that humans are merely animals with no spiritual nature. TK takes it a step farther and says that as animals, we are, by nature, allowed to kill each other. Well, he's toned it down a little bit. He still subscribes to that ideology, but he would never kill someone else.

The problem was that no one else really supported our views, especially his. We couldn't find any places online for help or just to talk to other animalists. So, we became isolated. And our urges to kill ######6 anything grew to the point that the slightest hint of rage from just me ended up hurting someone else big time. It wasn't anger management, it was more "Harris Syndrome". Thats my term for it, anyway; Eric Harris was one of the Columbine shooters, and 5 years after the massacare, the FBI concluded he was a psychopath with a massive ego that wanted to prove his superiority. Well, frankly, everyone around me is ######6 stupid. OK? I just feel that way. I'd like to be wrong on a lot of things, but when it gets down to it, everyone else is ######6 mediocre at their ###$ jobs, and I excel. Programming TV? ######6 nail it. Filing? Nail it. Raking leaves, mowing the lawn, doing accounting: nail it, nail it, nail it. And although I clearly suck at a lot of things, like understanding the tax code or figuring out if I'm dating a total whore, jobs-skills wise, I'm pretty ######6 good. And even non-jobs skill wise, I can figure out most $#%^ faster than other people. I just pick things up and start working, while everyone else reads the ######6 instructions. And you'd think at some point I'd ###$ up, but no! I have yet to ###$ up at all when going ahead of other people. Teamwork is for pussies, anyway. Lone wolves, TK and I. We ######6 master everything.

You see, thats the kind of thinking that would flash into our minds the second a slight amount of rage would enter. Rage was triggered by stupidity. That was it. Stupidity of the slightest degree pissed us off so much that in our heads, we would think of 12 different ways to do the task the other person was ######6 up so royally. As our rage got more intense, the need to kill something got bigger, too. We would look up people like Budd Dwyer and Daniel V. Jones, and watch their suicides over and over and over again, sedating us for hours on end. As soon as that got done, we moved on to photos like the Black Dahlia autopsy photos, murders in Vietnam, even the photos of President Kennedy on the slab. Around February of 2011, we had our first sexual experience... the most awkward thing I had ever done one on one with anyone, ever. We relied heavily on fingering her to get her off, and by doing so, getting us off. By the end of April, 2011, we were able to get her off with 16 orgasms in 2 hours. The reason we were able to do so was because we focused all of our rage and need to see blood and guts on our ###$ buddy/girlfriend. And she made it easy, too. She liked it rough, and she was the first person all of us trusted enough to tell we had DID. Sexually, we liked to growl at her and be called animals. We still do, only now we own a trench coat and get thrown out of the mall.(I'm kidding, mods...)

The more we got her off, the more relaxed and focused we were. Just having sex made us good to go for 2 days. Nic's grades were extremely high because he wasn't constantly having flashbacks of Mr. Dwyer dead on the ground, blood pouring from his mouth or seeing the face of the Black Dahlia torn open nightly. Insomnia stopped. Everything got better. Then, suddenly, around May 26th, 2011, just 3 days after graduating from High School with a GPA high enough for BSU (3.2 min, we had 3.4 GPA), that ######6 whore texts us "I don't wanna have sex with you anymore. Sorry". Turns out she was sleeping with 4 guys at once: Me, "Dusty" (Her boyfriend), and two other idiots, including Dustpans roommate (Her current boyfriend), and some guy she just ######6 met off the street!

The rage we got from that was so intense that TK went into some deep meditation $#%^. When TK came out 2 weeks after we got that ######6 text message from that ######6 whore, he was able to feel the electricity vibrating in the walls. We were pissed. And ######6 horny. We still are; search our Google Chrome history sometime; 45% of our browsing history was just looking at furry porn and YouPorn and everything. We LOOOVE hentai. Its not a nerd thing, its just that regular porn didn't cut it after we had experienced the real thing on "Nic Tuesday" every week for 2-3 months. We were basically masturbating ourselves on a nightly basis just to retain that 3.4 GPA level balance we had just half a month earlier.

And all the while, between Googling various types of pornography and trying to see if anyone else was dealing with urges to kill or had sharpened instincts like TK had, we felt even more isolated. I thought she was my best friend. And it wasn't so much that I was heartbroken or spent days at home listening to mixtapes or some $#%^, but frankly, I just missed her being around. The last time she was at our house was in late June or early July. It was our partner Travis and her just here, hanging out. Travis and I discussed what we could possibly do to get started on whatever, and she hung around afterwards. Now Nic just fades out during real-life sex moments, and she and I just cuddled on our bed, just talking. And I tried to talk her into just being my girlfriend, and she kept laughing and saying no. Then she dropped her pants and begged me to finger her. So I did, and I made sure she ######6 bled on me so I could guilt her into getting laid again. And it almost worked, except the fat bitch who came to the door was so ######6 ugly it was like watching fecal matter being filtered and piled at a sewage treatment plant... that was her face. It was that ######6 ugly. Thats how far gone I was because of rage, instincts and urges. And no one could help me but her. And she went off, because she's a ######6 whore.

So I searched online more to see if anyone had the same issues, and the more we searched, the more we found out about our past. It was this desire to just see if anyone else was so motivated to kill that we discovered memories we had totally blocked out. In 2004, we went to the Childrens Home downtown, which is this child psychiatry place that Nic was forced to go to when he was 14. And one day, on the TV, was this ad for an upcoming Sonic game for the Xbox 360.

And years later, I realized that this ad was for Sonic the Hedgehog 2006... which came out in 2006. So what the ###$ happened to any memory of 2005? We may never ######6 know. An entire year was gone. And the more we looked into it, the more we found out about Zack's rape by our neighbor, the constant torment by the idiots at school (teachers, students, faculty, etc.) and mom being a bitch 24/7... and then more proof we were real... because we collected evidence that the rape was real, that the torment was real, and we didn't need to look far into mom's general $#%^.

So I told my ###$ buddy everything I've told you via Facebook. Here is just the first paragraph:
---
"thankyou, i miss and love you too. I really wasnt trying to use you, i thought i did love you but the longer we were together i just thought we would be better off friends. i figured we would kindof have a period of barely talking. i mean, the whole thing can be kind of ackward."[sic]
---
After this, Nic tried being friendly, but this was end of October, 2011. In the month + 2 weeks since then, we haven't heard from her. And we hadn't seen her in 2-3 months before that. We still haven't seen that whore. She actually had the nerve to text me after having sex before all contact was ######6 lost. That was the last time that I texted her. And odds are good I'll never approach her again, ever. ###$ her. I don't care anymore, I really don't. We've spent 5 months getting over just being constantly horny and instinctive about every decision. The rage she caused was so ######6 overbearing that writing about her helps, but thinking about her ######6 face just makes me want to punch a kitten held by a foreigner.

And guess what? Google still can't help me, because even though theres sex addiction or the Wikipedia page for Ted Bundy, there is NO ONE who relates to us and our struggle. So we keep reading the same dictionary definition for animalism, serial killers, Ted Bundy, Budd Dwyer, blood, instincts, impulses, urges (noun), etc. And, encouraged by Nic to "write about whatever is wrong", we're bitching about this ######6 whore.

Oh, and guess what? She's a Republican. And Christian. And you wonder why I hate these people, on top of all their hypocracy, they raise whores regardless of the fear of damnation! Thats all they have! How the ###$ could they ###$ that up and end up making a ######6 whore?!
-C.Nic

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