So... apparently this is a thing...
Oscar-Winning Comedian/Badass Stephen Wright has a $#%^ load of one liners. One of them (A joke, by the way), is "If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?".
Now, thats a pretty ######6 funny joke. And I'll cover more jokes later. But out of boredom, I decided to Google the exact joke to see if there was an answer. And guess what. Theres a ######6 answer.
Answers.com had the joke listed under "Jokes & Riddles". And the answers all involved the law. They took a joke seriously. So, and I say it again... apparently this has happened sometime in the past to make this a real thing.
Here are some of the answers we read:
-No because they are "personalities" they are treated like royalty. If someone with multiple everyday riffraff threatens to kill himself, call in the S.W.A.T. team, 13 helicopters flying overhead...but someone with multiple personalities and suddenly you've got doctors and family standing next to benign police officers all pleading with the "personalities" to put the weapon down and come outside so they can be "helped".
-Yes, because for example the body has 5 people sharing it, like Eric, Adam, Sam, Nick and George, so Eric is the one that wants to kill himself, but then the other four are against it and when it happens to be Eric's time to be in control of the body, and he threatens to kill himself, the other guys wouldn't like it so much and would be hold against their will.[...]
-No, but the person is obviously insane and I feel sorry for them.
-Yes, because they are not 'personalities', they are 'people', who are self-aware. If they are not self-aware, and really were just fragments, you might not have a hostage situation since it would all be in the mind of one person. But in multiple systems, where many diverse, self-aware people share one body, then any action taken by one that could seriously harm the body or the welfare of the group is a serious matter, in addition to it being quite tragic for the person involved. If Sall threatens to blow herself up, and doing so will also kill Jane and Tom who cannot get away, it is a hostage situation. Everyone within a multiple system has a conciousness [sic] [...]
Keep in mind, this is just one page. There were 3 other pages on Answers.com alone:
-yes yes it is [sic]
-It is. If someone without multiple personalities tries to kill his/herself, in the books, it's a hostage situation.[...]
-it would be suicide as he's threatening to kill himself, not anyone else or another personality. however he would be innocent in a court of law due to mental illness. [...]
Now, we have considered suicide in the past, and I have cut myself in times of pain. But other people have REALLY thought this out. Like, seriously looked into it. "In the books, it's a hostage situation"?! WHAT BOOKS?! ARE YOU DISCUSSING THE LAW?! A POLICEMAN'S TRAINING MANUEL?? AND IF SO, WHAT ######6 PAGE COVERS THIS SCENARIO?? IS THERE SOME ######6 INDEX IN THE BACK WHERE YOU CAN LOOK THIS $#%^ UP?? "OH, MULTIPLE PERSONALITY SUICIDE HOSTAGE CRISIS, PAGE 77! GEE, WHERE WOULD WE BE WITHOUT THE ######6 INDEX?!"
Here are other Stephen Wright jokes that people have actually looked for answers to:
-Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections?
-Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
-If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
-How come abbreviated is such a long word?
-Whats the speed of dark?
-If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in?
-How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
AND GUESS WHAT?! THERE IS ALWAYS SOME ASSHOLE TRYING TO BE SERIOUS, AND ANSWER A ######6 JOKE QUESTION! YOU DON'T ASK WHAT YOU SHIP STYROFOAM IN, YOU JUST SEND IT TO FED EX AND LET THE ASSHOLES FIGURE IT OUT!!! THAT ######6 SIMPLE! DON'T BE ALL
"1. i don't send people styrofoam, and am almost positive neither does anyone else 2. a box, with those inflated bags of air for protection"
JUST ######6 TAKE THE JOKE AND ENJOY IT. BUT DON'T TURN IT INTO A THING. Don't ever turn something thats supposed to just be a small snippet to make you laugh and make you think about it later so you laugh a little bit more become a ######6 thing you spend time online researching, trying to find the ######6 answer to. Focus on real problems with real people. Somebody with DID HAS killed themselves against their alters will. Why hasn't there been any research on that. Really. Why? How come there are 10 different answers to a joke, but not one for a real question? How come people are so stupid that they would waste time answering "How do you ######6 know when you've run out of invisible ink?", but not "Why should I live another day?". They may defend themselves saying its all just goofy fun, but I take it personally that someone has to pay for the suicide hotline versus some asshole repeating a joke, looking for an answer.
So, in an effort to prove these idiots wrong AND stop suicides, I'm going to come out and offer our free services: if you need to talk to someone, hey, I'm here whenever. And I'm sure my fellow forum-ites are willing to listen, too. But mostly me. Yeah. Pick me. I'm kinda goofy. And cool, too. Yeeeeaaah. Cooooooooooooooooooooooool.
In all seriousness, please, understand that suicide is a real concern and I would never joke about it, ever. As someone who planned our murder/suicide for a camping trip with our mom and brother when we were only 9, we know what drives people to make that decision, and we wouldn't mock you for wanting to do it. Some idiots "Blame the victim". I do if its nessicary, which 86% of the time it isn't. And in the wake of World AIDS Day, which tries to remind people that 40 Million of our own have died from a dreadful, incurable disease, we need to focus on the things that matter. What matters is you. Going back and forth on answering a ######6 joke proves nothing. You talking to me about why something is wrong? Hey, if you need to, I'm listening, 24/7. Thats 24 months a year, 7 weeks a month.
Oh, right. ###$ those people. Turning a joke into a legal hunt... pathetic.
Nic- Core, 190 Comments Viewed 10175 times
C. Nic- Liberal Agnostic, 19
TK- Reformed animalist, 19
Zack- Smart, shy conservative, hedgehog, 21
David- Gay, Middle aged man from Boston, 42
Derrick- Semi-Psychopathic Child, 7 or 9 years old
Brian "God" S.- Silent, only speaks through ASL, 19
J.R.2- Older Brother, mute, 20
Registered users: aliveatnight, ArcticGreen, ashley.c, AussieBoy, bibihuklier, Bing [Bot], Bipolar_Cat, Blu-Web, Breesause, Chawhoorppype, Clever, cloudyday, Daven, DayWreck, doesntfeelbeautiful, Dwight, Eminemin, Exabot [Bot], Faint, Flerotram, furtherado, galaxies, Google [Bot], Google Adsense [Bot], Google Desktop, Google Feedfetcher, Greatem, harvardfmlol, helpmeunderstand, indifference, Journalgirl, justonemoreperson, kakashia, Kas_Can_Fly, Kero, Lauriel, Lilycat10, Mandymmj, MarloPoco, MessyMackenzie, MilliPete, mreclecic, MrNobody45, Musicman, Mustang88, Necrophiliac, newvideomasters, noreally_imfine, oaktree, ogr, plalcherwfp, River6, sabrdawg, Schimrigk, southernseeker214, survivingstill, TGFSmith, UKjournalist, Volt, Wishes, xdude, Yahoo [Bot], yYyYy