My brother joined the army and set off about a year ago, and only visited during Christmas. I rarely talk to him now, and I am starting to miss him. But not because I love him or whatever, frankly, if we wanna talk about abusers, he was #4 or 7 on the list. Its just that he's not in his room, which has been across from me for well over 18+ years of my life.
No, the real reason for my emotional state is its slowly hitting me that soon I will have to move out. And being an employee of my mother, essentially earning $100 a month max, I'm not sure how I'm going to make it in this world when my mom finally kicks me out.
She says I'll live with her until I'm out of College. Then I'm on my own. So, at max, 7 years for a doctorate. Realistically, I have about 3 years. I know a lot can happen in between now and then, but for right now, I feel really useless. Like "I wanna kill myself" useless. I have no plans to do so, but I can't seem to find a job anywhere.
The Idaho Statesmen has a report last week that 52% or 58% of students were unemployed, while pre-recession, that number was something like 32%. So its not just me. But I, for some reason, always aspired to be better than other kids, right? And now I'm stuck in the majority. And it sucks in here, there's not enough room and get your balls un-stuck from your legs.
Someday, I hope I'm going to make it big time. Or at least get a job in the field that I'm trained in. But, for right now, its scary, and I don't know what to do. My dad says focus on work. But my alters are saying either find work or make a job/company. I'm trying to do both, but all that is fogged by the thought of having to move out in a few years. My mom's friend, Terry, lived with her mother until she died. Terry is now 63 and has been on her own since she her mom died. I don't know. My mom isn't that kind of a person, she'd want me out. And, to be honest, I kinda want to as well. But I'm not ready yet. I'm just not ready.
So, for those living on your own, please, help me out. How did you deal with moving out, being on your own, having your own place, bills, work, etc? The thought scares the crap out of me. How did you deal with it?
Thank you.