That sounds like a great book title, doesn't it? Well, I couldn't think of anything else. Fair warning: The actual Sonic thing is after the 3 asterisks.
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One of the great things about having a Dissociative Disorder is that I only remember memorable things, and these things pop up at random times. For example, I was watching the very first episode of "Sleeper Cell", and around 15 minutes, there's a kids birthday party. And I instantly went back to my best one: There was an "Astro Jump". I have no idea how the f*ck we got that thing, but I loved it. It reminds me that my mom does love me, and knowing that makes me sad, because I f**king hated her for a 2 year period.
For 2 years, EVERY SINGLE DAY, she would come home, hit us, throw water on our beds and then hit us again, because a client "Said something rude". I stood up to her one day, and she slammed me against the wall going "SOME KIDS GET THROWN AGAINST WALLS EVERY NIGHT. SOME KIDS GET SLAPPED BECAUSE THEIR PARENTS ARE DRUNKS. YOU HAVE IT GOOD, YOU SPOILED BRAT", then she clawed my face and went to the neighbors house. When she came back, I nervously pretended it didn't happen, and cried myself to sleep that night. That is the most vivid memory of my abuse from when I was a kid, and its not even the worst one. I honestly don't know what it was, maybe Zack being raped by the neighbor or just our day-to-day "Go to School and get yelled at, then go home and get yelled at and punched" childhood we had for 9 years, but these 2 years in particular (I think I was 9 when it really started, its not like she said "Oh, its the new year, better start Plan B!") were collectively the worst.
***
I've always thought for years that mom made me go to therapy/psychoanalysis/whatever the hell it was in 2004. But then a Sonic the Hedgehog 2006 ad came on TV in the lobby (it was Cartoon Network), and all my info suggests that I began therapy in 2006. This ONE MEMORY has screwed up SO MUCH in terms of timing that I have no idea what the f*ck to do. Because of it, the 2 year hell period might have been when I was 7 or 11 years old. Maybe even 12! Without that basic example, I have completely lost the year 2005 from my memory. An entire year of my life is forgotten. Or maybe it isn't! Maybe therapy was in 2005! But the game in question didn't release until midway through November, 2006; there is no way any company, even a crazy-ass Japanese corporation like Sega would release a game trailer a year early! So, thanks to therapy/psychoanalysis/hoobedeegop, I have now completely misplaced 1 year of my life! Thanks, Sonic! SEEEEEEEGAAAAA!
But there is a good side to this discovery: Mom paid for therapy because she really thought I needed the help. She said it in the most insulting way she could possibly think of, saying she wanted to know I "Wasn't retarded", but she did do it. And it cost her at least a grand! So maybe she already knows there is something wrong with me. For years, she has (her)self-diagnosed me as Bi-Polar with no real evidence backing her claims. Maybe the psychologist showed her my DD-NOS diagnosis, or maybe even my DES score of 60-something (63?), and shes just been f**king with me! Who knows. Oh well. But with this memory, I think know I might have the courage to tell her I have DID. But, if not, it can wait until next summer: I am planning to take a class with that M. Rose Barlow lady I talked about a few months ago. Her specialty is DID! Now that I definitely know that I have DID (Thanks, kids who helped me out!), I'm going to take her class and ask her after a few classes if she can help me out. And who knows, maybe this could be like "Charlie Bartlett", where you guys tell me whats wrong, and I ask a F**KING EXPERT.
Thanks!
-Nics
Anyways, thats all I wanted to say. Oh, and if you ever meet or see my partner Travis L., tell him he needs to either work (EVEN JUST A LITTLE BIT!!!) or leave us the ###$ alone. Geez, that guy is useless and lazy and kinda stupid and easy to manipulate if your a woman and stupid. I'm saying I hate the guy right now, thats all. -C.Nic