Today was a day..... that's about it really. I guess it was good to start [insert boring life details here].
Over the course of the week Ive been rather uncomfortable in my own home. Out of place, small, insignificant, Irrelevant. I don't drive much for general anxiety reasons, other cars make me nervous, But with good cause. Wednesday July 22, I was forced up a curb by some road hog piece of.... yep. He decided the already narrow two way belonged entirely to him. around the bend I go, what do I come to see? I pair of headlights, eye level... blocking the entire road and coming straight toward me at 50 Mph.
Normal me would just sit there... BRING IT ON!... the me on that day was so terrified of the thought of my head being his new hood ornament. I swerved.Don't you know it? I got ran off the road and into a VERY tall concrete curb...

After a 5 minute string of VERY colorful words at 7:45 am in front of Parents and their young children trying to get an early jump on errands . I get the destroyed tire off the car and asses the other damage... Bumper... scraped but otherwise intact, Rim... still round, sort of.

get home father pissed. I guess he thinks i'm as useless as I do. Typical day. FF to today. he takes the car to get the rim fixed and have tires put on.. still pissed at the thought of spending his own money.
Scenario: car is wounded.. his bright idea... Put the pedal to the floor and peel out of the driveway.
Me=not happy
Mother=less than enthused.
Kate is fixed now and is looking beautiful. excluding the scratches from the seemingly 2 foot tall curb just days earlier.

Dinner. thin cut steaks, some sort of flavored rice and green beans(okay).. but from a can...(NOT okay)

Sat in silence trying not to let anyone see me wiping my arm as I feel the too familiar sticky warmth starting to run down it.
Ate quickly and returned to my self imposed solitary confinement.

I like to be alone, I should probably start with that huh?
90% of my time is spent in my room with the door locked, and Blocked from the inside to be sure my privacy is not violated. I drag my bed(queen size) to the door. Everyone is so damn nosey... I DON'T WANT TO TALK WITH YOU PEOPLE!

Parents may as well be strangers to me.
I'm mad a lot. Like arrest me cause I just threw a trash can through your store window, mad.
I wake up this way almost everyday and when I don't its more painful than re-breaking my clavicle.

people make me angry, all the time especially children.
NO! I don't want to go swimming with you. I don't fancy putting on shorts so you can stare at the scars on my legs I've done so well to hide for years. Nor do I want you to toss your metaphorical cookies in the pool as the water starts to run red as I sink shoulder deep.

Just what we need right? I need to be MORE ashamed of myself and fall back into my terrible thoughts that keep me awake for hours on end. and you REALLY need to be traumatized by it and go into therapy for years upon years to get over your new found phobia of blood, scars, and pools. No? doesn't sound like a good time... I suppose not.