You know I'm only 2000$ behind really. If I had that I'd be good. That's wild cuz back in the day I would have that in like an afternoon. Talked to the landlord today and they said they wanted to keep us as tenants but it is too expensive for me. I really don't feel like moving at all. But it is what it is. So I'm not sure what I'm going to do now. I will just pray and just pick a direction and go. They say God helps them that helps themselves. Yeah it doesn't happen that way. It isn't written anywhere in the Bible that it operates that way. Thing is you do have to do your part as well otherwise your just an idiot. This is the core test here. Will I stay faithful or will I waver and take control? Like in a nose dive and waiting for the last minute for the pilot to pull up. Will he? Well he always has but what about this time? Doubts. So you shake the doubt off and just wait for Gods will to be done. Even if it is homelessness or whatever. My family won't like it but they really would not like it if I went back to my old life. And for sure if I went to jail. If people knew better they wouldn't get anyone to rely on them. Cuz it is perilous for them you know? Especially children their fate is in your hands. But no one seems to think this way. Like it could be worse and in reality it isn't so bad. Cuz it isn't. Like I had a friend did seven years prison but cried when he had to sleep in the car. Seems strange.

People are swarming me today again tho. My fuked up vibes must be gone. Everyone all over me smiling and in your personal space. Waving and carrying on being just overtly friendly. So my simmering has subsided more than likely and that's good. It can't be good for your organs you know. For your physical health. I mean your angry but doesn't seem like it on the outside. Or more often that not you don't even know it cuz your comfortable with it. I suppose it doesn't make sense but it is how it is. But I wonder if it is damaging to my physical health.

Man people are well dressed today. I got to admit them European or that side of the world people dress much better than us. Just seen a group of Russians and I know they are not technically European but they are dressed very well. And then I see a huge obese American with an over size tank top and faded shorts and flip flops lmao! Murica!!!! Fuk yeah!!!!

Sh!t speaking of that I forgot to clean my rifle again. Damn. I will get to that tonight.