It has come to my immediate attention after understanding of self that I need to create a personality; persona if you will. Although it will be a man-made false self missing pathological denial, it's like pretending to be an ASPD fellow, deceiving yet I will be lonely. However hard this shall be, it's about carrying on.
Realistically, I'm out of both primary and secondary supply, no internet forum of ASPD fellows can fill the void, although the knowledge and intellect I gain on the forum is beneficial. It isn't about giving up, it's about not giving up and not suffering. It's about relearning all the tricks in the book after they've been turned upon its very end. It's about being a man and continuing no matter what.
It's like being a zombie, out of blood, wanting to shrivel and die but forcing the self to fight against overwhelming odds, no matter how drained and dead one is. It's like holding a heart of frail glass and forcing it to fight in a jungle of wolves and lions.
Take it out to burn, turn the pain against the hand which holds the sword. In an existence which holds no other, thrusting the self from a fragile frame into a life of hedonism yet as I attempt dearly, Christianity and good intention. I've already questioned the meaning of it all whilst holding a dead spark, I've learned not to expect.
This horror story never seems to end, I'm starting to understand that I'm prepared to continue and find a way no matter what the cost. If anyone has advice for supply, I would appreciate it.