Tuesday 12 September

Well I tried to start a thread for my recovery diary yesterday but it is awaiting Admin approval. Don’t want to wait around for that and maybe this blog section is the best place for this anyway.

Ok so I am going to be recording my recovery diary on this site. I am a recovering sex addict. I relapsed a couple of days ago by going for an exotic massage. A week before this I had relapsed doing the same thing. Before that though I had been sober for 8 and a half months.

Previously I have done my recovery diary offline but I am hoping it will be more effective recording it here. It is of the upmost importance that I make an entry in this everyday as part of my 20 mins recovery work every day. So if you guys see that I haven’t posted in here for longer than a day it means I am on the path to another relapse – so I need to update this every day!

In my offline diary, every day I record my “resolve rating”. So when this is at 100%, that’s ideal and that is when I am least tempted to act out.


Wednesday 13 September

Resolve Rating 100%. I did some good thinking today about feelings of stress/anxiety/emotional discord at work. Sometimes I feel these things even though it is not rational to do so, and I did some really solid thinking today about how work doesn’t really have that much power over my life (very little in fact) so there is no rational reason to get stressed about it. Obviously to an extent I need to go to work to earn money. A lot of my negative emotional discord that I think leads to me acting out comes from going to work. I think it’s important to not get hung up on things I can’t control at work. Even if this job came to an end, I have money saved up and there are plenty of other jobs I could do so I would still be able to earn money.

I have OCD. I know some people have worse OCD than me but OCD definitely causes discord in my life. I keep a separate diary of my daily irrational OCD thoughts and OCD anxiety rating. It’s important that I so this every day as well. I won’t go into the details of all of the fixations on here as I want to protect my identity. Today it was when I’m using CPU in room and I keep thinking this CPU isn’t fast enough/internet speed isn’t good enough. Like I say, entirely irrational because this CPU does what it needs to do, and if it was such a big deal I could easily just buy another one.

However, my OCD anxiety rating for today was 5/10 which is good as that’s lower than it has often been recently.

As part of my recovery work today I read some more of a sexual addiction recovery book I am reading.

I also want to look at my last relapse (or couple of relapses within a week of eachother). So let’s look at that now