I have just called the police about a person from my past that acted a bit strangely once.

The reason why i called them is because there has been a rape in the neighbourhood where he lived.
I haven`t seen the person in many years and i could be completely wrong which is why i am feeling a little bit uneasy at the time.

Whenever i am in a grey zone i hate it.
I am the type of person who likes to be certain about things and i know how devastating it can be when i am wrong about something.

Once i was so wrong about something that i winded up feeling sad.
I can be a bit neurotic at times and i have been working on it for many years.
I have always been a careful person who doesn`t allow just anybody into my life.
I have to make sure that they are secure people.
You hear about so many things happening in the world and i think that is what made me a bit neurotic.

Sometimes i imagine that people are dangerous but never in a "off the limit way" if you know what i mean.

I know the difference between real and unreal...

I think that the thing that made me this way is that i grew up in a very unprotected environment, i was taught to read and follow the news from a quite early age.

I remember i was at the house of a friends once during school and she wasn`t allowed to watch the news.

I would read newspapers when i was 13 years old uncensored.

So i guess that is my statement my childhood wasn`t censored enough so i took in a lot of information when i was too young to gather and organize it in a proper way.

Kids have great imaginations so this got a bit mixed up for me.

So this one time i called in a tip to the police that was totally wrong.
I called in because my boyfriend had worn a similar hat to the one in the drawn mugshot....the height and body weight didn`t match at all


He got called in to the police station and had to sit for an interview.

I later talked to him about it and he was very upset.

I hadn`t know him for that long so...
I apologized and felt like a git for not having read the mugshot report more carefully.

We winded up moving together anyway and he forgave me for that so thankfully it all turned out ok.

But it lingers there somewhere in the back of my head.

Yeah sure we all make mistakes i can`t take out that piece of me.

So this guy i mistakenly called about once for many years ago was my boyfriend for a year.

He was nice and sweet and had so many qualities that i sought after in a guy.

Unfortunately he was also a diabetic so i had to take special care of him which i sometimes felt like i didn`t.

Once i close the door to him because we had a fight and i still feel bad about it, he had his medications inside the flat which i wasn`t thinking about. (He also had a pen with him in his jacket and his parents lived close by where he also had a lot of medications).

But i still feel terrible about that even if everything worked out fine in the end.

I had some difficult times with myself during that relationship, i had just stopped working and was totally lost for every sense in life and i know some of this came over him.

We had fights where i would throw food on him and i wasn`t at my best behaviour.

Despite our trials we managed to find our way back to forgiveness and friendship and we parted as good friends.

He will always have a special place in my heart.

Things were cracking in my life at that time, i had lost my job, the relationship to my sister and the relationship to my mother was a horrible thing.
He didn`t know about all of my problems because he wasn`t capable to "see" them and so i never shared them with him which is why our relationship became a vacuum of locked up feelings.

One of the reasons i couldn`t share my feelings about what was going on was because of his disease, the other which i learned about afterwards was that he had a drinking problem,...

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